[* `the truth often lies in things not seen` *]

2008-02-02T02:01:00.000-08:00

RELINK RELINK!

http://www.cheryl-thegirl.blogspot.com/

TAG ME ! thanks =D

2007-11-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

is anything wrong with blogger ? ><

2007-11-14T10:51:00.000-08:00

RELINK.
www.the-evilqueen99.blogspot.com

2007-07-17T02:42:00.000-07:00

relink!
http://xl0ved.blogspot.com/

yayneess .?

2006-10-10T05:55:00.000-07:00

impt .!!
for ur information;
my birthday: 19th nov =p

hmms ..
exams over liaos lerr .?
finally lorr .
guess i haven tried my best
; for certain subjects .
i still think i could have done better .
for example : geog .
i think i flunked geog . =x
seriously .
others i think can tyco pass bah .
but maths ppr 2;
is confirmed .
fail ding de =s
now exams over le .
its not really freedom bahh .
its more of parole .
conditional freedom .

; the clock goes ticking away.
it wun stop for youu .
1sec . 1 min . 1 hr .

O.M.G,
half was expected .
but the other half .
was omg .
how could this tragedy
befall me =x
how could audition break
its promise .
it extended for at least .
4 hrs .
if i counted correctly . =x
i hope it'll work tmr .
i go load it first thing
when i switch on the com .

; its a tragedy when
audi stops .
working -

fridays marking day .!
also vannesa'a birthday =D
i promised her to msg her
happy birthday at
2 am.
i noe john chen will forget
bout tht ;)
as usual . hahas .
any plans .?
marking day = resting day .
for me bah .
i'll prefer to stay in .
since i am sick and
so tired .
yupps .
but gd mahh . liddat .
i dun need wake so early .
get dragged out of bed .
and brush my teeth with
my eyes barely open.
put on my uniform
with half my eyes open .
and walk to the bus stop .
forcing my eyes open . =x
schs tiring .
i guess much of the motivation
i get .
for going to sch are my friends .
other than the early bus rides
with sean of cux (:
tmrs wed =x
i wun get to see him .
sobs sob T.T

MY BIRTHDAY .!
den i'll be finally 14 .?
feel so old liaos .
hahas . see .
time really pass too fast .
before i get to enjoy it .
its gone .
derek promised me a
maple christmas tree ..
ahh .! cant wait you noe .
the tree is super duper duper cute .!
thx derek in advance .
dun forgot wor .
nvm;
you forget i'd remind you . =D

i'd upload the pic in the nxt post =D

take cares ;

with much lurves .
cheryl .

2006-09-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

Everytime We Touch by Cascada

I still hear your voice,
When you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch,
in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness,
But I dont know why,
Without you it's hard to survive
'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side
'Cause every time we touch,
I feel the static,
And every time we kiss,
I reach for the sky,
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go,
Want you in my life.
Your arms are my castle,
Your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry
The good and the bad times,
We've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall..
'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side
'Cause every time we touch,
I feel the static,
And every time we kiss,
I reach for the sky,
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go,
Want you in my life.
'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly,
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side

much loves,
cheryl <3
o8.o9.o6 (:

2006-09-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

sorry ..
dui bu qi heartx ..
maybe things would be btr this way .
i did many wrong things .
not as great and
perfect you thought i was .
dun get upset over me .
its not worth it .
why does it seem like .
i've been saying many sorries .
recently .
all these setbacks ..
were they meant to perpare me
for worst ones .?
i think i am falling ..
i feel like jux jumping down
from tht building .
and end it all ..
but i've got so many wishes .
i haven fufil
yet .
so many things i haven do ..
i've only got once to live .
but once seems too long .
so much to say .
but .
some .
mayb its btr not to be said .

complicated ;
irritated ;

ilovedyou .

cheryl ;
999heartx finished .

2006-07-19T01:18:00.000-07:00

sianed ..
dad caught me sneaking today xp
but lucky nvr say anything ..
den i think btr off com bahhx .
least he tells my mum .
den ;
i'll be as gd as dead =p

missyou darling . (:

2006-07-14T01:53:00.000-07:00

thought bout it ..
many times over ..
and i knew wher i was going
wrong .
but those were jux white
lies .
i didnt mean to hurt anyone .
but in the end ..
i make myself more
miserable .
issit worth it ..
being so nice .?
being nice is wrong .
becux it doesnt pay to be
kind ..
stressed up .
fucked up .
i feel like i am burning inside .
to mummy :
can you gimme a break .?
its not nice being me too .
scolding doesnt help me
one bit .
i hate you .
for bringing me to this world .
which i nvr belonged to .
one tht i wish ;
i rather not exist .
mayb things would
have been btr for you too .
you would not be stuck with
me all day ;
not knowing what to do .
i am a pain .
i am cux of trouble .
jux let me be .

suddenly ;
my world seems to take for a change .
maybe its nice .
but to me ;
i'll rather not have all those .
it jux gets me more stressed up .
my mum says i am childish .
showing my temper when she scolds me ,
i'll rather remain as a child .
she said .
tht was the process of growing up .
i have to learn .
but if learning was such a dif process .
can i choose not to .?
can i rather be like when i was young .
not knowing anything ;
may be a gd thing .
cux its always the truth tht hurtx .
she was right bout many things .
but cant she jux leave me alone .
if this is the way she cares .
can she dun care bout me .?

lifes different now .
its jux different .
mayb its for the better .
but why does it get me more '
stressful instead .?

muchh lurves

; cheryl <3
sean .

hiiex .

2006-07-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

he was right ..
but was i wrong .?
if feels as if ;
i am on my own ,
lost .
lost in the middle of
nowhere ;
i couldnt find myself ..
suddenly .
my life took for a change ..
it didnt turn out the way ;
i thot it would .
i knew i was wrong .
i knew i shouldnt have .
but .
its all too late .
maybe things were suppose to be
this way .
i'll jux let it be .
i dun wanna try to make it btr
anymore .
its useless .
and tiring .
i dun feel like doing anything
anymore .
i jux wanna ;
feel close to you .
to make the worst mistake ;
is to noe that you are
making one .
but you still make it .
i dunno whats happening to me .
jux let me be ;-
so many things flashing thru my mind .
jux what did i do .
wrong .
that i've to end up liddat .?
was being too nice wrong .?
i dun understand .
my world's so complicated .

cheryl //*
<3 sean .

turned upside
;down .

life sux .!

2006-06-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

yo . back .!
another post le ..
sianed ..
i did wrong things again ..
haixx ..
ystrdy i fall asleep at ard 245 .
suddenly ;
i didnt feel like sleeping .
i felt like crying instead ..
i cried till i fell asleep ..
my eyes are so red today .
OMG .
haix ..
i dun feel like blogging anymore .
i am sick and tired of life .
this time ;
i am on my own . =x

my dear .
dui bu qi .
wo bu shi gu yi de .
zhi shi wo .
wo zhen de bu dong gai zhen yang .
wo shou bu liao le .
wo ye bu xiang zai zhe yang xia qu .
bu neng tuo le .!
ji de kie .?
wo zhi ai ni
; zhi you ni yi ge .
you le ni jiu
rong ren bu xia bie ren le .
woaini (:

muchh loves ;

cheryl (:
ilu .x

new skin .!! ~ yayness .

2006-06-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

yo .!
changed skin ler ..
tired of the old skin ..
hahas ..
today maple down cux of
the patch ;
den decided to change
skin lor ..
yupps ..
wahh ..
den when i scroll down then i realised ;
i posted so many times le ..
so scary ..
then read thru some of the previous
posts ..
when i read them ;
my feelings when i wrote them ;
returned ..
some happiness ..
others ;
misery .?
my daddy always asks me ;
when i'll grow up ;
so that he can relax life ..
i wish ;
i'll nvr grow up ..
to grow up ;
many things you would loose ;
but you gain experience ..
to know too much ;
sometimes .
you'll rather not know truth ..
why is the world liddat ..
why cant everyone be simple ..
even in the mind of my little sister ;
contains so much negative thoughts .?
its jux so complicating .
mayb i'll understand someday ..

cheryl (:

iloveyou .

YES . i am finally home .

2006-06-19T02:35:00.000-07:00

yoyo .!
yayness ;
i am finally home (:
missed you all loadds .
over there still fun bahh .
quite . x)
i was there ,
but i knew my heart was here .
hahas .
recently .
my ballet cher .
selected me for a stupid ,
competition .
then i asked my mum to help me opt out (:
hahas .
heng wors .
ystrdy mummy wasnt in a gd mood .
kept scolding me while i was talking on the phone .
=x
so pissed .
whatever .
talking bout her = waste my breath .
oh yar .
aft choir on wed .
i am going to get PIZZA =D
YAYNESS .
finally .
and darling .
you still owe me one too (:
okiies .
i dun feel like blogging anymore .
cya (:
tata ~

and it seems like ;
all of a sudden , you're so gd to me .

muchh lurves ;
cheryl <3

ilu . sean (:

muahahas . another of my post .!!

2006-06-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

yoyo .!
back for another post ..
sorry worrs ..
so long nvr come blogg lerr ..
parents lor ..
dunno whats got over them luh ..
dun care them le luh ..
think of them then so angry x)
everytime i use the com ..
den my damn sis will say :
jie jie daddy says you cant play maple .
idiot .
feel like killing her .
i treat her so gd then she liddat .
conclusion : lifes nvr fair (:
hahas ..
so much to say ..
so long nvr blog le ..
but dunno where to start from ..
and haix ..
dunno when my sis will tell me to stop playing
again .
damn her .
hehex ..
so happy x)
tmr performance lerrx ..
so cool lorr x)
i acting as fairy of joy ..
zzz .
i joyful mehhs -.-
den so funny lorr ..
all the steps we do .
are all the steps we nvr learn bfore de .
den learn alot things .
yupps .,
but at the beginning v painful .
toes bled .
lols ..
but now .
its all worth it bahhs .

2006-05-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

" ni zui ai de ren zui hou
ye ke neng bu shi ni yi qi sheng huo de ren .
ni zai yi qi de ren .
ye xu bu shi zui ai ni de ren "

i still remembered the days .
the old times .
you were my first .
those nice times .
those memories .
i knew i fell with you so deeply .
maybe more than i ever shld .
bcux i knew you were nvr thinking
of being with me .
you were so near to me ,
but i could nvr feel you here .
cux your heart doesnt belong there .
it doesnt belong to me .
whats the use of having you
when you couldnt feel .
the feelings .
the bitter endinggs ;
i was naive then .
i only knew i love you .
i didnt care bout anything else .
we were perfect for each other .
but forget it .
we're over .
love once gone .
its gone forever .
so what if i once really loved .
its all useless .
becux its all in the past .
the hurt you have incurred in me .
i dun wish to mention anymore .
" becux of you .
i am afraid . "
becux of you .
i did many things .
wrong ones .
becux i didnt noe how to let go .
you were the reason .
why certain things didnt turn out
as i planned .
sorry .
i've been thinking bout it for a long time .
its clear we missed our chance .
and its time we moved on .
we should nvr pick up from where we
left off .
becux even if we do .
we wun last .
when i said i've let go .
i mean it .
i am not like you .
if i make promises .
you noe i mean them .
i've moved on .
and i nvr regretted this .
becux i know .
he would nvr break my heart like you
did .
and the most impt thing ;
ilovehim (:
forget it .
you're too late .

muchh loves ;
cheryl -

because of you .

2006-05-29T05:56:00.000-07:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fakeA smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

- becux of you

kelly clarkson .

pissed .

2006-05-26T01:43:00.000-07:00

arghh .
i hate today so much .
bad day =x
first ,
today in sch ,
got back result slip ..
so disappointed with myself luh .
v sad lorr .
den ltr yang lao shi
ask us hand in the declaration form
thing .
i forgot to let parents sign ..
den she say either go home
get it signed
or ask parents come sch sign .
den in the end ,
i told her i will fax over to the sch .
so settled for then .
den went to eat with ethel
yiling vann and matthias .
then at least i forgot bout my result
thing luh .
then reach home le .
first thing ,
on com ..
forgot about faxing the stupid
declaration form to sch .
den 4 plus liddat ..
yang lao shi called me .
said mux fax over .
i thot reminder ..
okays ..
then continue playing ..
how i noe she mux wait till
all hand forms handed in then
she can go home .
den ard 15 mins ltr ,
she called again lor .
den i hurry go pluck my fax machine .
yea .
den the fax machine old le .
long time nvr use .
den alot prob .
cannot fax over .
between me trying to fax over
the paper .
and aft i faxed .
she called me 5times .
keep scolding me .
den i also on the phone with my
mum ..
ask her how to fax ..
den still cannot .
den in the end realised ,
cannot talk on the hse phone while
faxing the paper .
stupid luh .
den in the end my dad wake up
and help me fax over lor .
den settled finally luh .
take so long .
tonite come home
sure bei mummy scold le .
say i everything nvr earlier do .
last min den come panick .
den results .?
ahh .
so much more scoldings to endure .
i think i am better off
dead /

conclusion : life jux sux .

cheryl .
and iloveyou so (:

hahas . ilu . x

2006-05-20T05:42:00.000-07:00

sian-ed ..
nth to do ..
i sent only a msg today ..
and it was for
you .
hahas ..
3 days .!!
since i smsed you le .
haix ..
miss you so muchh .
when will your phone
be okay .?

cheryl .
- nth much ;
i jux miss you so .

gosh . how can tht happen .

2006-05-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

failing =x
cant stand it .!!
failed bio and phy =/
disappointed ,
of cux .
cant stand the thot that
i studied .
and i FAILED .
wth luh .
i knew i nvr could have
failed bio .
I COULNT .
cux i studied bio
inside out .
and why did i fail .
cux they were all careless
mistakes .
argh .
i counted .
if there were no careless mistakes .
and i concentrated .
i would have gotten 5-6 marks more .
disappointed in myself .
phy .
not so bad .
cux i wasnt gd in physcis
afterall .
but .
still .
i didnt study physics .
cux recently jux studied for
modular .
i shld have read thru the
chapt .
den mayb i could have
scored one more
stupid .
mark .?
den i would pass .?
chem . chem . chem .!
i need to pass chem .
if not .
i will be deep shit .
haixx .
pray hard for me (:
and today also got
back eng .?
yuppx .
and i realise .
i deproved .
abit .
but its still .
deproving =x
whats wrong with me .!?!
haix .
everything like so cham
liaos .
sci . cux i was tired .
cux the night bfore
i already could not concentrate .
but eng .?
haix .
dun say le luh .
and during the exams .
for sci .
i knew i was miles away =x
i wasnt thinking how to do
the qns .
i was thinking bout you .
hahas .
cant be help .
so .
i shld jux blame myself . =x

cheryl .
and iloveyou .

iloveyou . you = sean (:

2006-05-17T00:31:00.000-07:00

whoos .!
exams finish lerrx .
hmms .
happy (:
but friday getting back alot papers lerrx .
afraid i wouldnt do well =/
haix .
at least i've tried my best (:
its a nice feeling studying .
and then all tht you've studied came out
for the test .
sense of acheivement (:
so cool .
i dun study all year round =x
sometimes when i am not
in the mood ,
not even for tests .
and when i receive the paper .
my mind goes blank .
and when i start scribbling away .
it isnt writting the answers .
its thinking of what crap
i can put in there .
so tht script would not look
blank .?
lols . at leaste i wrote smth .
one of the few times i've really studied hard for the exams (:
lols .
and i know why
i studied .
hahas .
ystrdy i was really happy .
tht today was the last day of exams .
though i wasnt in the mood to studyy le .
but now .
exams over .
i wished .
exams werent over yet .
yet another reason .
thts hidden beneath me (:
oh yar .
my hp bill coming soon lerrx .
in another weeks time .?
ard there bahhs .
if this time exceed le .
i can say bye bye to my
phone liaos .
=x
last months bill .
i dunno if i will exceed .
seriously .
i think i would x)
but this month .
( i mean , if my phone not confiscated
luh )
i wun exceed at all .
positive (:
ystrdy hmms .
guess what time i slept .?
2 am .
yes . 2am .
i saw the clock . it was 2 am .
i couldnt get to slp .
was thinking bout alot of stuff x)
i was thinking bout you .
it wasnt abt what happened ystrdy .
its like .
hmmms .
i know i loveyou .
and i know you care .
i know you meant what you
say .
but .
smth is jux amiss .
i dunno what i can do .
and
in each and everyday .
i jux fall deeper and deeper in
love with you .
all i really wanted
was to be wtih you =x
'dunno what to do
if i ever loose you .
and
iloveyou so '

cheryl <33.x'
cravings (:

lols . speechless .

2006-05-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

long time nvr come blog liaos =x
sian-ed .
nth much to blog everyday (:

exams started lerrx ..
haix ..
so far everything still okays bahhs .
think i will pass most of them .
but i am sure ;
i will flunk my history .
again .
lost count of how many times lerrx =/

5th may - eng paper 1
1oth may - eng paper 2 , hmt paper 1
11th may - history , hmt paper 2
15th may - literature , maths paper 1
16th may - geography , maths paper 2
17th may - science , eng paper 3

hahas (:
schedule of exams x)
tmr last 2 papers to go .
and i am already set to mapl-ing mode (:
cant seem to concentrate .
now what time ler . i still got lik chem haven study .?
and crap . physics . i need browse thru .
i like cant rem alot things le lehhs .
i hate my memory .
remembering things i shouldnt rem .
and not remembering the things .
i should =x

YAYS -
cant wait till after exams (:
i wanna be with you .
a lifetimes not enuff for me to love you
enough .
for i really LOVEYOU so . <33

much loves .
cheryl . <33.x'

LOL . 3 hrs .

2006-05-07T03:36:00.000-07:00

nice record of talking on the phone (:
i cant believe myself
sitting on the floor for so long x)

at 4.34 am .

- cheryl .
and iloveyou so . <33

<33 .

2006-05-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

iloveyou .<33

x. cheryl .x

vann

2006-05-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

words dun mean alot .
promises werent meant to be
broken .
those words that they promised ;
jux wernt meant to be promised .
when she is upset .
doesnt he know
all she wants was to be by his side
lies on his shoulder ,
and cry for as long as she wants .?
jux what was he thinking .

upset -

would i end up like her .?

cheryl ;
and iloveyou so . <33'

nth nth .

2006-05-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

happi-fied (:
cux hes happy ((:

- cheryl <33

sean <33

2006-05-03T02:52:00.000-07:00

i like blogging .
but i dun like people i know reading my blog .
dunno why =x
regretted telling you somethings .
regretted writing my previous post .
i juxx feel so bad .
am i .?
i hate life .
i really do .
lifes nvr fair .
at least .
jux now for me ..
inside .
it really hurtx so much .
i jux need you to take away my pain .
so confused .
i knew i couldnt do without you .
haixx .
got so much more say .
but jux not in here .

cheryl ;

beyond redemption . iloveyou so .
too much =x

lols .

2006-05-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

back (:
haixx .
whys life so complicated .
why cant there be no problems ;
and everyone jux be
happy .?
i walked thru' the rain today .
i didnt mind the rain .
at least they made
my almost - crying eyes .
less obvious .
i wasnt angry ,
i swear .
i was upset .
i wished i didnt care .
but i knew i coudnt .
i knew i should have talked it with you .
but probably .
it would make things worst .
i really dunno what to do .
first time i am lost ,
without you .
and i gotta face this on my own .
jux whats this .
i know what she said is true .
cux' i saw
you did smth liddat
in front of me .
but .
what i really wanted to noe was .
were they out of affection ,
or were they jux
what you always do .?
i dun wanna keep
assuming .
dun wanna keep guessing .
and consoling myself .
do you really love me .?

sorry i didnt reply your sms .

cheryl .

- i lost control of myself .

dam com

2006-05-02T02:00:00.000-07:00

Troubled .
I am tired ,
I wanna slp .
More to be said ltr (:

- cheryl .
'ever so confused .

nth la

2006-04-28T02:45:00.000-07:00

first things first (:
modular test sill okays bahhs .
think i will pass .
hopefully .?
gladd tht ystrdys effort .
didnt go down to the drain .

haixx .
hes still upsest .
i know it .
cux' i feel it .
but no matter what happens .
i will always go thru' it with him (:

dunno if i should be angry .
jealous , or upset .?
i trust him .
of cux i do .
angry .
why should i get angry ,
when i noe he
doesnt like her anymore .?
jealous .
what right did i have .
upset .
i wasnt upset .
i was jux ..
disappointed .

so many things falling onto me .
i jux feel so heavy .
my own share of problems .
plus my friends .?
haix .
i noe i will jux break down someday .
when i could take it no longer .

but till then ,

smiles ((:

if time spent with you wasnt enough .
i want you to know i think of you ;
every other moment .
if time spent with you was ever enough ,
it came nth close to the way ,
i want you .

cheryl #
l u r vv e .x

haixx . lifes hard .

2006-04-27T03:57:00.000-07:00

haixx ..
tmr modular test le ..
and i like barely understandd anything
about that PHYSICS .
crap .
what to do .?
study (:

sianx .
dunno what to say ;
also dunno what to do .
jux want him to be happy (:
lost without you -
hurts me so much to see you
in pain .
i rather i be the one .
i jux need you to be happy .

- cheryl .

65o more heartx (:

..

2006-04-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

nice ((:
two posts in a dayy .
cux' its his birthdayy x)

ha .
okays .
headaches .!
mux have been thinking too much ;
bout that .
wahahahas ;
anyway .
i've found myself ,
an ans .
guess so .

iloveyou .
2h 30 mins more .

cheryl #

HAIX . crappy life . hate life . LIFE SUX .

2006-04-20T23:15:00.000-07:00

todays the dayy ((:
went to sch like normal .
he missed bus T.T
alot things happen today ..
alot i wanna say ..
confusedd .
whats holding me back .?
decisions are tough .
i dunno what i should do .
or what should i say .
or should i jux do nth .?
all i knew was ;
i really love you so .
all i ever wanted was you .
all i ever need .
all i ever thot of .
none other than you -
jux whats happening to me .?
cux' i m afraid .?
history would repeat itself .?
I WISHED I KNEW .
i know .
i jux know .
he would be different .
but would we ,
would we be together in the end .?
at least .
i know you mean what you say .
being with you ;
was all i could dream of .
but why issit .
WHY ISSIT .
like that .?
todays your b'dae .
i hope i didnt ruin it all .

maybe i shouldnt hesitate .
b'cux i love you so (:
nth will go wrong with you

ilu -
sean <33

today , 21st april . ((:

nth much .

2006-04-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

haix .
confused .
its tiring keeping so much within me .
my worlds tearing apart .
so much i need to say .
yet . i could not .
its all inside me .
they`re driving me nuts .
jux what should i do .
truth ;
they jux make things more difficult
i wished .
i didnt knew all these .
they jux make me .
lost ;

cheryl #

i need you so badly ,
dying without you right here b'side me .
you`re my only one .

ilu ;
sean <33
2 more days, 21.o4

WA . lame shyt .

2006-04-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

4 more days .!

- cheryl .

birthday .!

2006-04-13T05:34:00.001-07:00

8 more days ((:

[x] . cheryl .

- yes , i love you .
- yes i do .

ahahas ,.

2006-04-12T03:50:00.000-07:00

back to blogging (:
long time since i blogged .?
ahahas .
blame it on the com x)

things been getting along fine ..
hes all but forgotten .
i m jux glad tht i have
moved on .
hes jux ignoring me .
i know it .
forget it -
maybe hes jux angry with me .
i dunno ;
god knows .

the painful past ;
erased from my memory .
i felt so free of burden ;
so light .
nothing to hold me back anymore .
all those unwanted feelings .
they dun exist anymore .
it was all thx to you (:
Lets start anew .
i really love you .
i guess so much that nothing
seems to matter anymore ;
with you here with me .
nth seems too much
for me to bear .
you are jux everything
my lyfe`s nth without you .
without you ;
i am lost .
i wouldnt noe what to do .
cuz all that i did .
i knew i did them all for you .

cheryl #

- ilu .

9 more days ..

lols . post for fun .!

2006-03-23T06:11:00.000-08:00

loadds of things on my mind now ..
hmms ..
now tou tou use com cannot type so muchh ..
not ltr kena caught den die liaos ..
haix ..
today alot things happen lorrs ..
unpleasant ones .
i knew i couldnt bring myself to hate him .
I KNEW i jux COULDNT .
cheer up .
was it so easy .?
he did things to spite me .
i wished i didnt care .
but i jux did .
tolerance .
mayb i wished i didnt noe truth .
mayb then it wouldnt hurt so much .
the things i said .
when i said i hate you .
i knew i didnt mean them .
let time deicide .
i dun wanna care anymore =/

friends were wad we called to be .
but deep inside .
you knew you were not .

cheryl #
missing you baddly x)

thrashed it out - my thoughts ; my feelings .

2006-03-14T22:14:00.001-08:00

i cant hide from the truthh ;
and i m tiredd of runningg awayy .
maybe all these jux werent meant to be this wayy .
THRASHED it out .
my feelings . my thoughts .
all thats not mine .
i shaldnt waste anymore time .
all things come to an endd .
nothing lasts forever .
the endinggs are jux wadd i m afraidd of .
i nvr likk the feelingg of endinggs .
whenever each performance ends ;
the crowd claps and dispearsedd awayy ;
tht THOUGHT of being alone again .
i hate it -
the process of holdingg on .
the pain i nvr thught i could endure .
maybe i jux shouldnt waste anymore time on it .
i should jux move on ..

- cheryl .

- jux takk it that we jux werent meant tobe ;
memories were jux the mere illusions from the past .

illusions

2006-03-09T02:01:00.000-08:00

jux let everythingg be an illusion ;
i shaldnt live in the memories anyymore ..
when i think bout you now ;
tears were jux all thts left of me ..
the hurt doesnt go away ;
it jux didnt fade away ..
why did i have to love you SO .?
its too much for me to take ..
with each passing moments ..
i feel as if the worlds on my shoulder ..
i nvr regretted the choice i made months back ..
but why did i have to b so indecisive ..
i made tht choice .
and i should stay tht way ..
maybe i m jux thinkingg too much .?
its time i learn to take things easy .

cheryl #

- life sux .

bleah

2006-03-07T01:21:00.000-08:00

wadds so great bout him .?
that he couldd nvr get off myy mind .
imprintedd deep inside my memoryy ;
was his name .
when i see him withh other girls ;
I DUN FEEL JEALOUS .
i felt hurt instead .?
wadd the hell is the worldd coming to .?
jux wad was i thinkingg .
why was the feeling different .
lik how i used to felt .?
life sux .
it jux do .
the way i m living it ;
the way i m dragging it .
its totally waste of my energy to carry on .
so many things to explain ;
so many things i`ve not DONE .
i dun wanna care anymore .
not anymore .
jux let them talk about me .

- she aint wanna live no more ;

[x] cheryl .

dunno .

2006-02-28T01:24:00.000-08:00

was life meant to be likk this .?
if it was ;
i`ll jux resign to fate ..
i am tiredd of this ..
all tht i did ; all came to a nought ..
all that you gave ;
you may not get all backk in return ..
those feelings ..
i swear theyy were true ..
i nvr blamedd you ..
i onlyy blame myself ..
it took me so long to forget you ;
and a moment of you i caught starring at me ;
andd all my efforts wouldd b wastedd ..

- thinking bout you no more `

- they jux wernt the perfect ones .

cheryl"

gave up .

2006-02-06T02:00:00.000-08:00

we jux werent mean to be .
pr0miise of luv is gone ;
suddenlyy breathing seems so difficult to do .
let go .
stopp being idecisive .
you luv HUR .
n0rt me .
so jux get lost .

- happyy birthdayy `

cheryl .

2006-01-20T06:09:00.000-08:00

lets giv it all up .
its tough being me .
its tiring holding on to smth
i noe tht i will nvr get .
its senseless .
the love is endless ;
but possesion isnt everything .

your heart is no longer here .
so near me .
yet i could nvr feel you there .
do you really love me .?

sweet talkks dun makk up the past .
they jux rackk up the memories ;
and makk everything more unbearable .

we jux wernt tht destined one .
face it -

ilu ;

- cheryl
- so muchh for all tht i gave `

eh . no title can nots. lame shyt

2006-01-06T23:57:00.000-08:00

confusion .
she didnt noe wadd to do .
wadds all those things .
comparedd to all those she`ve been thru .
it jux aint the same . n0rt anymore .
at least -
n0rt ferr hur .
shes fallen into a well -
a bottomless pit .
she`ll nvr giv up on euu .
she HATED it .
but she couldd nvr haff hatedd euu .
lost in a worldd of her own .
so manyy in her life ;
yet so little she couldd dependd for .
jux when she neededd euu .
WHERE WERE euu .
on the edge of her wildest dreams .
was to be withh you .
but euu gave her up .
her worldd crashed .
she knew euu werent thru bout hur .
all those lies . all those sweet talkks .
theyy were nth .
nthh was realityy . not withh him .
let time heal everything .
but she still loves him .

- hurWORLD .
dun intrude into myy life .

=x

2005-12-20T17:51:00.000-08:00

it didnt jux broke into half .
it shatteredd into pieces of uncountable glass .
no one knew wadd it was likk .
the wordds .
the things he saidd .
other ppl wouldd haff been happyy .
but from those wordds .
i knew he wasnt true bout me .
those complicatedd feelinggs .
i dunno if ii still luv hiim .
the pain .
i dunno if ii couldd endure .
ii didnt believe .
wadd otherr ppl saidd bout euu .
but whyy did theyy haff to turn out to b true .
n shatter myy nice image of uu .
it became myy worst nightmare .

- fallen ,
n ii m still fallingg "

- cheryl .
all those tears ``

=x

2005-11-28T22:55:00.000-08:00

ii saw euu the otherr dayy. unexpectablyy. ii dunno if ii should laughh or cryy. but ii knew smthh; euu werent jux anyyone down the roadd. ii knew uu werent. myy heart poundedd as if it were to jump out the nxt secondd. at a lost;then. onlyy then; ii realise ur presence causedd suchh a great impact on me. luving euu wasnt wrongg; it was tht ii fell too deeplyy... whyy did ii haff to luv uu so. ii was too naive then; perhaps. ii believedd in everyythiingg uu saidd. includiingg ur sweet talkks. ii shoulddnt haff let euu sweet talkk me. it was a nice feeliingg whenever ii receive ur sms or smthh. at least theres sumone out there that cares. ii was angryy; when uu liedd. emptyy pr0mises were all euu left me withh. suddenlyy; breathingg seems sh0 hardd to do. pr0mise of luv has gone. ai yi ge ren jiu shi xu yao hen duo yong qi. wo jiu shi que shao le yong qi. ai ni ai de tai shen le; wo zhen de zhen de bu xiang ba ni gei wang le. it isnt impossible; but ii hate to feel the pain; again. ii rather jux run awayy. from the painful truthh n act as if nthh has happenedd. ii know ii haff to face the truth again. ii cant run awayy forever. but ii alwayys hope; when tht time comes. euu`ll b right here bside me; going thru everyythingg withh me. its jux nthh but a mere illusion of euu n me. realityy seems sh0 harsh. ii guess ii`ve livedd too longg in the worldd of dreams. but still; euu reallyy mean tht muchh to me. ii dunno how to put it into wordds. reallyy; ii alwayys wishhedd we were tht perfect couple; walkingg down malls hand in handd. suchh a wonderful feelingg. but ii lost euu. ii reallyy cant hangg in there anyy longerr. criedd till myy tears ran dryy; but euu still werent here. how muchh couldd ii haff luvedd uu. ii was true to euu; ii wasnt playiingg withh euu. myy darlingg boy. =x

# cheryl.

yays.exams over..finallyy.- MAPLE.

2005-10-22T02:18:00.000-07:00

*lols..examms fiinallyy overr liaox...abt a weekk ag0 finishh lerrs...sh0 siianx...n0 hw; nthh tuu studyy; nthh to d0...boredd tuu deathh...ii wanna playy MAPLE...urghhh* the temptatiion`s gona kill mii...lols...ii wan a NEW COM...pls; this time withh a soundd cardd...>.<>

lala; exams coming lerrs

2005-10-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

whees- examms commingg lerrs...mus studyy.stuDY.n.stil, STUDY.ii hate studyyingg...but stiill okii es larrs...cuz now sch barelyy haff anyy hw...sh0 nthh to do studyy also can waste tiime mahhs...betterr than waste tht sort of tiime thinkkingg n imaginingg thinggs...>.<

ii m totallyy freakkiingg out...withh e stupidd MR YAP. sayy ii act innocent...yarr larr yarr larr ii act innocent lorrs...still sayy ii veryy goodd actress..>.<

happy.hapPY.HAPPY. ii jux wanna b happyy liive e rest of myy liife...siince ii CANT die...no matterr how ii wiishh ii couldd diie this MOMENT. ii dun wanna thinkk boutt` euu. ii dun wanna liive e rest of myy liife havingg an illusiion of us. jux us.its IMPOSSIBLE. but stiill, ii coulddnt withdraw myyselff from euu.haix. iif onlyy ii hadd nv met euu... den mayb thinggs wouldd haff been different...

hao bahhs; st0p here lerrs...nxt tiime den continue...ii wan go studyy n watchh tv lerrs...buai buai - `

heyys.

2005-09-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

ii criied. even whenn ii noe theyy wun bringg euu backk. ii noe; cuz ii`ve triiedd. ii th0t euu were jux part of myy painful past. but ii know now dat euu werent. euu were alwayys part of mii; alwayys livingg mii. alwayys on myy mindd. ii guess ii reallyy luv euu... sumtimes ii wishhedd ii didnt. den ii wouldd b sparedd from euu. ur luv alwayys pulls me backk; whenenver ii triiedd to accept sumone new. wadds e use of sayyingg all these. when ii know ii m n0rt e onlyy one tht euu will alwayys luv. ii m freakkingg out withh myy life. iit jux sux.

haixx...tell me; do euu luv me n0rt.?

2005-08-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

hii...longg longg nv come backk blogg le...den todayy dun feel likk playyingg maple den come blogg lorrx...=) yupps...n0rt reallyy THT muchh thinggs to sayy larrx...jux postingg; kinda ferr e sakke of lettingg euu guyys noe; euu're nv forggotten...heex* ii alwayys thot euu no longer caredd; no longerr botherr; no longer luv me...ii thot its overr...ii alwayys thot this wayy... but ii noe tht's n0rt wadd euu thinkk...euu still care bout me...ii noe it.though euu tryy n0rt to care...at times..but ii can sense it.. ii dunno; if our luv has fadedd...ii reallyy dun... ii dun noe if we shouldd start everyythingg anew... ii reallyy dun..its jux too sudden ferr me to takk everyythingg...mayb ii m thinkkingg to farr; mayb ii m jux to sensitive. but ii've provedd euu wrongg once; tht ii wasnt too sensitive...ii couldd tell there was smthh goingg on between euu n her once.. time; has the power to heal everyythingg n mendd hurts; n the abilityy to makke one FORGET. ii triedd sh0 hardd b`fore ii couldd forget bout euu; n euu're tryyingg sh0 hardd now to mendd everyythingg...the problem ishh; m ii ever worthh it? ii n0rt sh0 goodd as euu thinkk; ii m jux tht average girl euu see on the streets...dun giv up otherr girls jux cuz of a ordinary mie*

ii stoppedd movingg the moment ii th0t tht mayb euu still lurbe me.. ii walkkedd all e wayy backk; to where ii once was; waitingg fer euu...mayb ii made a wrongg decision; but ii'll nv regret... but; dun keep me waitingg... b`fore myy patience run out againn andd walkk on withoutt euu. ` `

___[[ myy.darlingg.boyy.boyy ` `] *___

haix...stupidd him...

2005-08-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

haix...tell me; tell me how euu want me to put it into wordds? how? no wayy; either euu make me or euu breakk me...cuz euu affect myy moodd...whyy do euu bother bout wadd others sayy; esp. when its tht bitchh tht startedd spreaddingg rumours whichh we noe ishh n0rt true...trust me; euu dun haff to b affect byy wadd she sayy...she sux...PLS PLS...euu mean tht muchh to me...

dun leave me likk the others did...
those promii se-breakkers;
those lyers;
those sweet talkers;
those who NV reallyy luvedd me...

trust in me
n trust in e truthh tht will b out sumdayy...
whyy worry sh0 muchh;
jux b`cuz euu wanna keep low profile...?

listen to mii; dun let others get euu down.
if euu gona care bout wadd others gona sayy anotherr time...
the onlyy miserable one ishh euu...
cuz euu cant takk it easyy...

nv gona cryy; cuz euu're n0rt worth myy tears...
ii toldd myselff tht a million times;
but myy heart jux dun listen...
>.<
cuz ii m deeplyy in luv withh euu...

` ii've got another confession`
but ii swear it nv to tell euu...

infatuation bahhx.

2005-08-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

sh0 angryy orhhx...jux bcuz ii came home abit ltr den get scoldingg...stupidd ehhx...den myy mum keep complainingg sayy ii keep playyingg maple nv studyy....now ii totallyy CANNOT touchh maple lorrx...stupidd larrx...lvl 21 onlyy ehhx...still needd lvl up derrx! haix... lolx...=) obbsession withh euu? onlyy? lolx...perhaps bahhx...likk wadd miss fah sayy lorrx, we at this age ishh obsession onlyy,e most...but...but; e it doesnt feel likk it...ii still rem how muchh ii use to luv euu n onlyy now ii realise whyy ii luvedd euu sh0 muchh...still dun understandd...hahas...but if euu were to luv sumone cuz of a reason; wadd can e reason be? hMmmx... lolx... still veryy irritatedd withh my parents...but ferr e moment cannot scoldd...all those badd worrdds...promise himm lerrx, tht ii wun use badd wordds, jux to vent myy angerr. ii wun go backk on myy promise, kii es? lolx... oh yarrx, TATTY...sh0 goodd ehhx...vannesa sayy mayb she get me tatty! whees~ gdd lorrx... birthdayy! hurryy draw nearerr!! lolx...ii crazyy lerrx...obession withh tattyy.yeahhx...hahas...but even if ii were to haff to makk a birthdayy wishh; ii'll ratherr euu remember myy birthdayy then having tattyy.cuz euu mean muchh more than tatty;to mii....=) tryying sh0 hardd to change thinggs backk to where we startedd off; as friendds... but...it seems sh0 difficult...yupps...but mayb needd more time bahhx...but still curious...curious bout who ishh e onlyy tht euu likk...ii noe no matterr who euu claim euu likk; dere will alwayys b one n onlyy derrx; in ur hearttx...ii no nidd to guess also will noe its n0rt mii derr larrx...no more tearrs lerrx; since promise euu ii wun cryy den ii wun lerrx...tryyingg to b happyy bahhx...=) but still; wheneverr euu needd mii; ii'll still b dere ferr euu derrx...kii es? lolx...mayb as a friendd bahx.wadd goodd friendds will do? hahas yeppx...jux wanna see euu smile...ii swear ii'll nv let euu see mii upset againn...no matterr wadd happens...hahas...

feel sh0 guiltyy ehhx...ii likk sh0 badd liddat...reallyy emphathise withh euu; euu mux b veryy lonelyy lerrx, see euu in class liddat...friendds all also teachh euu badd thinggs...den ur goodd friendd ehhx;likk hardlyy tokk to euu derrx...den alwayys get scoldingg fromm teacherr cuz alwayys slackk...veryy worriedd...usedd to thinkk cuz euu r jux plain lazyy larrx...now finallyy,ii noe whyy lerrx.. alwayys will b ur friendd derrx...dun wann euu to continue slackking lerrx... =) kii es?

shackkx...maple down...

2005-07-27T16:22:00.000-07:00

hii...lolx...ii sh0 siannx...nthh to do sh0 cum blog lorrx...but likk nthh to do liddat...*sighx* 1700...sh0 long! 1700 den e maple thing will freaking wrkk...now under stupidd maintenence n stuff...lolx...=)
____;x ` *

wo zhi dao; ni xin li zhi you yi ge ren,

you le ta jiu rong ren bu xia bie de le...

na ge ren;

ken ding bu shi wo...
___;x ` *

escapingg from the truthh;

living in myy own worldd;

myy worldd of fairyy tales.

where prince and princess exist.
___;x ` *

wadds overr ishh over;

wadd can b done has been done;

but the memorii es alwayys stayys;

deep inside mii*
___;x ` *

its tiring;

its exhausting;

its worthless;

its meaningless;

its useless;

holddingg on when ii noe ITS OVER...
___;x ` *

takking the worldd's burdens onto myyselff;

ii m shatteredd into pieces;

n ii m still falling...
___;x ` *

deludingg myyself;

cuz ii wan no truthh...

it hurtx to see how muchh ii luv euu;

n euu DUN.
___;x ` *

lalala~

2005-07-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

long time nvr cum here blogg liaox...sh0 todayy den come blogg lorrx...nthh reallyy happen larrx,these few weeks...(weeks since ii blog?omg...sh0 long lerr arhhx...? ) lolx...how TRUE...its onlyy 2 weeks ++ onlyy larrx...>.<>

secondds.minutes.hrs.dayys.weeks.months.

Time jux goes on.its doesnt stop.

jux likk euu,it wun stop ferr mii*

wadd's e use of waiting,when ii dun even noe wadd ii m waiting ferr.

ii cant bring myyself to accept other ppl.

ii jux FREAKING CANT... ]*

deluding myyself.

from the worldd of realityy.

cant ii jux live in the worldd of myy DREAMS;

where theres no hurt;

no pain;

no silent crii es?
___*___*___*___*___*

prii nce*

+

prii ncess*

ii live ferr e sec ii get to see euu.n0rt ferr anyything but euu...

` myy darling boi boi `

shit.ii m cryying.

2005-07-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

dunno wadd to sayy eachh time ii look at euu, eachh time ii thinkk of euu,the tears jux roll down myy cheeks...euu'll nv understandd how ii feel...behindd myy laughter ishh all the hidden tears...ii dun wan to sayy anyything anyymore; cuz i noe, its useless... but euu seem to noe wadd ii m thinkking without mii sayying anyything...cant seem to hide anyything from euu...ii m v tiredd le.reallyy veryy,but ii dun understandd whyy it seems sh0 diificult jux to let euu go...ii dunno,ii JUX DUN.

even if ii were going to die the next secondd;
euu'll still b on myy mindd...

Its IRRITATING.

whyy cant ii b likk others; sayy forget then can forget ?

whyy mus ii luv euu sh0 muchh?

cant ii jux stopp lurving euu?

ii dun wan to likk euu; it jux hurts sh0 muchh...too muchh ferr me to takk...it jux shatters myy worldd...eachh time ii sayy smthh tht hurts euu;it hurts mii twice as muchh...

ii m better off dead...

ii hate myyself.

jux let mii die ;x___

saw euu.another side of euu...

2005-07-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

ii saw another sii de of euu.a side ii nv thot ii wouldd haff seen.The sii de of euu whichh seems to b sh0 upset.dun b likk this...ii dun wan euu likk this.ii dun likk euu likk this...eachh time ii look at euu,each time ii wouldd feel upset n each time ii feel sh0 guiltyy. I m barelyy hanging on, ii hav alreadyy fallen into pieces n ii m still falling ;x___ *

bitch` ii hate euu...fuckk off from mii. ii m n0rt in the mood to joke withh euu.cant euu feel that ur existence ishh redundant to us? stop pretending that euu no nth, euu noe she hates euu andd sh0 do ii, sh0 get lost. go sumwhere far awayy, sh0 i'll nv see that face of urs again. stop C0pyInG !

isolatedd;x___ * sh0 lonelyy.sh0 isolatedd from the rest.

things began to brighten up between me n teng chow bahhx..hes ok larrx, jux that ii dun understandd whyy hes likk sh0 afraidd of me... m i sh0 scarry? m ii worst than sii inn? if n0rt whyy even when he askks me questions during class also likk sh0 shyy derrx...dunno.sure there's a reason.its jux a matter of time bfore ii noe.

myy mum wans to get a new phone. ii dunno if ii shldd b happyy. mayb ii shldd learn how to stop dwelling in the past? but ii cant giv up the past. ur msgs. its all in the phone. its all there. left untouched. theyy r lik the keyys whichh opens up the door to memories. ii didnt wan to get a new phone. myy mother askkedd whyy n i couldnt findd an excuse. but in the endd she leaves the choice up to mii* haven decided n ii dun wishh to makk a choice.

sh0 muchh in myy mindd; but wadd ii haff to sayy ishh alwayys limitedd.

By the wayy,ii m n0rt going ferr e KL trip. no specific reasons. but ii dun feel likk going. melissa shldd b happyy to hear this. dun wanna spoil her holidayy. she may n0rt likk me ferr once ii was her rival. but wadd's over ishh over. ii dun reallyy bother abt it. ii can get along without her. ii m n0rt that DEPO ferr friendds.

yepps tht shouldd b all. euu guyys rockk on bahhx.post another time kii es? takk care! =)

Late!

2005-07-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

26 dayys... dun wanna count anyymore... the numerical value goes up eachh dayy, it jux scares me... if onlyy in life we can choose the one we wanna luv...ii dun wanna b me; ii jux wanna b sumone who doesnt care bout the tommorrows...ii cant; ii jux cant. ii m not likk those youngg kidds, who's happyy 365 dayys. ii wishh ii couldd b. but ii cant! ii jux cant! look forwardd to every new dayy; hoping ferr the better; but endd of eachh dayy, myy hopes r dashedd... dunno to smile or to cryy each time ii look at euu... the memories, will fade awayy from time to time perhaps; but ii nv thot of replacing anyyone. even if ii get another bf in the future, ii wun takk him as a replacement of euu, but accept n luv himm ferr who he ishh. luv n relationship ishh a totallyy different thing to me. luving sumone lots doesnt mean euu haff to haff him; euu can luv himm from afar.luv fears no distance. ii m different; different from manyy ppl. manyy people thinkk if theyy luv sumone; theyy should b together.not nessecaryy. mayb ii haf different concepts from them.ii dun get blinded byy luv. ii dun care wadd others sayy or wadd others thinkk... bcuz it isnt important. issit? but jux wanna tell euu; ii m resiignedd to fate. wad's over ishh over. esp ferr matters likk this. there's alwayys another shoulder, to lean on without euu... i know he will alwayys b there. but ii dunno if euu can if ii gav euu tht one chance. tht's whyy. gav euu manyy manyy chances,waited waited and waited but it all turned out in vain. ii often wonderedd if euu were worth it. ii didnt noe how to ans myyself. ii still dunno. if we r meant to b, we will b one dayy. let fate decide. if we were ever to cross this path again, ii promise ii will nv let euu go.

euu n onlyy euu...

2005-07-06T19:19:00.000-07:00

silence.the silence that hides the luv.mayb its good ferr bothh of us...ferr us to cool thinggs out..things haff cum to a stage wher not just luv can solve the whole situation...25 dayys.25.listen,its onlyy 25 dayys that we haven tokk to eachh other.euu noe wadd's happenin.luv ishh sumthingg that can nv b hidden,it will show after sum time. it doesnt reallyy matter wadd happens to us.its not important.but ii noe smth.ii reallyy luvedd euu bfore n nv regrettedd doing sh0...contentedd wiff e memorii es. ii dunno wadd euu thinkk. ii dun haff to noe, n its not important to noe. ii dunno if euu've reallyy luvedd me... but euu noe.euu can deceive anyone but n0rt urself.

`bitch`idiot`fisher`asshole`hypocripe` * fuckk off...ii dun likk euu...euu r jux a stupidd imitation. stop havingg sh0 manyy peersonalityy when the real euu lies deep inside... ii hate ur smile.its jux too disgusting. it jux irkks me...No one liks euu andd stopp tryying to b a cheap copyycat. euu sux...

miss fah rox bigg time.yiling rox.ethel rox.vannesa rox.but ii still luv tattyy.euu promise me tatty arhhx...no brokken promises arhhx! not ii'll hate euu de hor.n ferr life.wahahas.luv tatty,wan onlyy tatty.sh0 cute.=)

dun lik sch.jux sux,sux n sux.sh0 muchh to do n sh0 little time.cant the worldd b more compassionate? ii can barelyy breath...sh0 muchh hw piling upp...andd ii m slackkingg...feel sh0 sickk everyydayy.dun likk the choir SL...idiot lorrx...no bcuz euu all sayy badd thinggs but bcuz euu all cant giv me a reason whyy ii wasnt selectedd...almost on the brinkk of tears.sh0 upset.
*mii myself n i* ;x___ ]

hate sch,,, i've changedd seats.its sux...

2005-07-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

Ha,,,backk ferr another one of myy post lerrx...this time got alot of things to sayy lorrx...=) First thinggs first...start wiff e changing of seats...Wahh,sia lahh...ii seating wiff a guyy inn myy class that ii've likk tokk onlyy a few times bfore...For two whole dayys, i onlyy likk askk him ONE question...The question was weather that ruler was his n0rtx...bleahhx...Well, that's almost all ii saidd to him...myy backk and bothh siddes r all guyys lorrx...wanna askk teacher change myy place...ii veryy dif to askk ppl questions de, cuz ii dun reallyy tokk to the few guyys that sit around me...mayb onlyy fabian,but he veryy blurr derr larrx...askk him also no use...den bside fabian ishh sii inn,,,sii inn even worst than me lorrx, can't even help herself,askk her help me mehhx? impossible... yarr lorrx, if ii noe liddat den i rather sit with nigel...at least ii wun feel sh0 fuckkedd up inside now...last time use to alwayys tokk to himm derrx,den angryy then scoldd him (lolx,ferr nth,but he ba wo dang chen er bian feng larrx)... at least ii dun cope up all myy feelinggs,feel better...now,no one to scoldd,everydayy ii also not in goodd moodd...and plus yiling and ethel and vannesa all sh0 far...no one to tokk to...ii bcum mrs lonelyy lerrx...Dreadd schh everydayy...Dun care larrx,i gona askk miss fah to change myy seat...see weather she will allow n0rtx...hope she will lorrxx...if not i sh0 miserable...every hour ishh likk a year lorrx...sh0 siannx...another thing lorrx...myy stupidd idiot phone rangg in mr cohen's class todayy ehhx...cuz ii thot ii didnt on myy phone,but ii did and ii didnt switch off to silent mode...he super goodd ehhx...he heard the ring ( the ring tone was lik veryy long) den he askk me to switch it off and put in myy bagg.nv even confiscate myy phone...gd horrx...? ii was likk, shockked that myy phone ring orrhx, don even noe wad to do...den ii took out myy phone wanna stop the damm soundd...but then ii sudenlyy forgot how to unlockk the phone...scaredd mahhx...wahh, wadd a close shave ehhx...then the whole class was likk looking at me after ii off myy phone lorrx...stupidd idiotic phone...hate todayy...haix...hate schh...okii es bahhx...stop here lerrx, nxt time den ii tokk abt weather ii successful inn askking miss fah to put me in a new seat...kies? prayy hardd ferr me arhhx...=) lolx...takk care and smile alwayys... lurve ya ;x___ ]

can ii not care...going crazy...ii hate euu!!

2005-06-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

dunno wadd to sayy...euu once saidd ii left euu speachless...now euu left me spechless; speachless to even fendd ferr myself...ii m tiiredd...tiredd of explaining everythingg...actions mayy hurt but wordds can kill...euu dun haff to fake infront of me and pretendd tht euu reallyy care about the truthh...stop pretending tht euu care...cuz euu dun...jux laugh along wif ur friendds...ii no longer bother or care...ii m not gona let wadd euu sayy or wadd euu do,hurt me...cuz,euu nv thinkk of other's feelinggs...den whyy shouldd ii care bout wadd euu do.... its not being selfishh; neither issit fun; its childishh...forget it...euu nv will understandd...jux dun makk me hate euu...ii dun wan to hate euu... ii m no longer gona care; no longer gona bother... no longer gona b angryy,disappointedd;upset or wadever... I reallyy really hatedd euu tht moment...but how will euu feel when euu r caught in the middle of hatredd and luv ? ii dun hate euu cuz euu didnt explain wadd happen; but bcuz of the wayy euu fake everythingg...stop being a faker...dun look at me anyymore when euu noe euu dun luv me...i'll rather euu b ur normal self than to fake infront of me...disappointedd cuz euu no longer care; upset cuz of the wayy euu reacted ; happyy cuz euu made me realise tht it was useless hangin on to smth tht will nv b urs...ii m veryy tiredd, euu r also exhaustedd...dun waste anybodyy's time anymore...dun pretendd anyymore...dun deceive me and urselff again...dunno wadd else to sayy, jux one line, nv regrettedd luving euu... [ nv gona cryy; gona stayy strong cuz ii still haff myy friendds ; n crying wun bring euu back,ii noe...cuz i've triedd ] ii went to the beachh, screamedd all ii couldd, criiedd, n ii swear tht euu will nv b part of myy life again...ii swear it then; i mean it now... ii use to thinkk euu reallyy caredd, guess ii was reallyy wrongg...euu r jux too unpredictable...ii cant understandd euu at times...ii dunno wadd euu r thinkkin...probablyy tht's whyy ii didnt agree e other time...mayb we shouldd haff tokk more or smth...but its all inn the past...it no longer means tht muchh...jux needd time to get euu outta myy life...it may n0rt b easyy but it isnt impossible...*sigh* Lost in the worldd of myy dreamms, where everything happens the wayy ii want it...when i awake fromy myy dreams and into realityy,all this is jux too muchh ferr me to takk...on the verge of falling apart...fallen into pieces n i m still falling...jux wishh to get outta this maze...jux wan euu to get me out...but it seems to muchh of me to askk tht of euu...sh0, ii jux wan euu to b happy..if euu luv sumone,dun holdd backk anyymore...dun let e opportunityy slipp byy...likk how ii did...

backk to sch...

2005-06-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

backk to schh lerrx,tmr... siannx...dunno how to face schh... ii simplyy dunno how... ii hate schh...ii havenn even finishh myy stupidd geog. project n its making me crazyy... tiredd of doing hw e whole dayy, it jux sux... Lots of things happen in e holidayys...it just puts me off to thinkk of going backk to sch tomorrow...its going to b worst...the holidayys r over in the blinkk of e eye...cant it jux last longer... ii criied yesterdayy...criied till ii was sh0 tiredd tht i fell asleep...didnt reallyy noe whyy, but yesterdayy ii jux felt likk cryying... I realise things reallyy change... many ppl haff changedd...or issit me? issit tht i've changed? perhaps. euu noe, ii findd its difficult to b happyy...when things turn out this wayy, whichh i didnt expectedd...i no longer pin any hopes on euu...jux wan euu to b happyy... den mayb i'll findd it easier to b happyy...ii feel guiltyy whenever i look at euu...i realise there were manyy chances tht couldd haff made our relationship takk off into another direction but ii didnt reallyy care at tht point of time...i use to takk euu ferr grantedd bahhx...ii couldd tell when euu luv me and when euu dun...euu noe ii m not being over sensitive...cuz ii was rite...andd i provedd it to euu...ii m not likk other girls, ii dun giv guyys wadever theyy wan for fear of loosing them...cuz,to me,wadd's e point,if you'll nv b happy? With or without euu,weather ii luv euu n0rtx,weather ii hate euu n0rtx, life still goes on...jux wan euu to b happy, tht's all ii askk ferr...

=) nth...

2005-06-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

After a sleepness nite, i realise manyy thinggs...ii thot euu were nthh to me...ii thot it was jux a matter of time bahhx...if it were sh0 den ii hope time will past quicklyy...6 months...how long ishh 6 months....if comparedd to the rest of myy life,its likk nthh...yet. its alwayys nv forgotten... wo jue ding ai ni zhi qian, dui ai qing miao dan xie... mayb ii was wrongg to haff likk euu, but since ii choose to likk euu, ii haff no regrets...ii dun regret things ii do...wadd's the use off regretting? whenn euu cant turn backk e time and start everything afreshh...realityy ishh jux likk tht, its harshh, but tian xia mei you jue ren zi lu... i noe euu r tiredd, cuz sh0 m ii... wo men de gu shii jiu dao ci jie shu bahhx... fairyy tales all haff an ending ; its jux a matter of how theyy endd it... ren jia shuo, ai he hen zhi shi yi xian zhi cha... i dun wann myy luv ferr euu to turn into hatredd... ii realise tht after suchh a longg time, i m backk where i first startedd... andd euu haff long movedd on; without me... ni sui ran zuo le, dan na xie hui yi, shi yong heng de... yin wei zi you ni, neng zai wo zui shang xin de shi hou, shi wo zai ci de xiao qi lai... wo men de ai qing gu shii, you le mei hao de kai shi, jie ju ying gai shi yi yang de wan mei... dou shi wo de cuo, ba na wan mei de jie ju gei cui hui le... dui bu qi, wo bu shii gu yii bu xiang gao su ni wo hai ai zhe ni, bu shi gu yi dui ni leng dan de... wo men de gu shi, yi jing dao le zai ye wan hui bu liao de di bu le...ji shi wo hai ai zhe ni,you you she me yong ne? gan qing yi jing leng dan le... xiang zhe ni,que mei gao su ni...ai zhe ni, ye mei gao su ni... xuan zhe le tao bi, que wang bu diao ni...

heex...

2005-06-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

haix...guess he doesnt noe tht i m alwayys referring to himm...mayb its a gdd thing larrx...i thot he wouldd haff known...guess he reallyy dun get it...haix..nvm...all my fault anywayy,makk himm thinkk tht its not himm....haix...been waiting ferr himm to thinkk tht i m referin to himm,waiting ferr him to figure out...but he thinkk too lowly of himmself to thinkk tht i lik himm...haff sum self confidence...Ai qing shi bu neng zuo bi jiao derrx...haix...i m badd euu mayy sayy...but...its ferr e sakke of both of us...i ratherr i suffer in silence then both of us suffer when we noe we cant b together...i got a feeling u're thinkkin abt me...i m alwayys thinkkin of euu...i jux dreamt abt euu last night...i cant get euu outta my mindd...i m veryy tiredd...every morning i dread to wakk up..but eachh morning i wakk up awaitng ferr ur sms,but tht dayy nv came...euu noe how afraid m i to on my phone eachh dayy...? mayb we jux arnt meant to b bahhx...

...nth...blahhx...

2005-06-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

haix...i wr0te sh0 many posts but i didnt post anyy of them...other than this...i dun no how euu wld react if euu were to noe those things i wrote in my other posts...but yet i would tear apart if i didnt haff anything to turn to...but yet, i feel badd ferr not letting euu noe...i dunno if euu shld noe those things...i dunno...i reallyy dun...i dun understandd whyy i m still waitng...i dun understandd manyy things...i m at a lost...i reallyy dunno wadd i shldd do...or shld i jux let things takk its natural course and sit backk and do nth...haix...i dunno...wei le rang ni kan dao wo jian qiang de yi mian,wo ning yuan fang qi ni...wo bu zhi dao zhe yiang dao di zhi de mahh... sh0 muchh to sayy,sh0 muchh heldd backk ;x___ wo de xin hao tong...ni neng gan jue de dao mahh...? i dunno how i m gona face tmr...tmr i haff class gathering...i dunno how i m gona smile and laughh along wiff e crowdd...i dunno how long i can keep my pretenance...i dunno how long ishh it bfore i breakk down... e memories keep running thru my mindd...non stop...euu triggered it...its not ur fault though,cuz if i really haff given euu up, i wouldnt haf been hurt...blame it on me...blame tht when i've seen thru euu,i still luved euu...i fell too deeplyy....haix...

whyy m i missin him...?when i sayy i haff givenn up on himm...?

2005-06-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

hihi...heex...sh0 long nv blog liaox...pai sehh...not reallyy busyy larrx,but nthh to blog mahhx...sh0 nv blog lorrx...holidayys sh0 sh0 sh0 siannx...wishh no holidayy...theyy reallyy sux...summore still got sh0 muchh hw...teacher thinkk i not human arhhx...giv sh0 muchh...siaox derrx...holidayys makk me stayy at home more...and i hate facing the four walls at home...theyy makk my imaginations run wild...haix...zhong yu fang shou ler,na ni wei she me hai chan zhe wo shi wo you zai ci de zhao hui ai ni de gan jue...hui yi you hao xiang cong fu le...haix...mayb time bahhx,will makk me forget everything...hope sh0 bahhx...tmr gona b sh0 boring also...thinkk askk mii kor out...tmr also mu rushh up on my hw...lolx...i've barelyy done anything...sianx...i wonder wadd's e wrld cuming to le...sh0 manyy ppl aroundd me sh0 sadd,i happyy also drowned by their sorrows le...all cuz of this stupidd thing called "love"...mayb yeahhx,its nice to noe tht sumone will alwayys be there luvin euu bahhx...but "bei ai cai shi xing fu de,ai ren shi tong ku de" ...sh0 whyy torture themselves...but cannot blame them larrx...when luv cums,euu urself may not b able to control bahhx...in them its likk wadd i use to b...livin in a wrldd of saddness...nthh in ur mindd but onlyy tht special person...luv can really breakk and tear a person apart...i've learnt tht there's no suchh thing as"forever" in life...everything has a beginning and an endd...everything will change,its jux a matter of time...ai yi ge ren ru guo zhe me xin ku,er qie na ge ren you bu hui zhen xi,ni wei he hai yao mo mo der deng xia qu...? *fang qi shi ai yi ge ren dang zhong zui nan zuo dao de shi,dan wo zuo dao le...* bu shi yin wei wo bu zai ai ni le,er shi wo bu xiang zai kan ni na me nan guo...likk wadd euu saidd,its not our fault...we're jux not meant to b...[fate ishh cruel,realityy ishh harshh but life still has to go on...] euu takk care bahhx and dun keep stayin up late at nite...whichh ger euu wanna woo ishh up to euu...i no longer nidd to noe and no longer wan to noe...i dun wan to makk e decision ferr euu anymore...i walkk alone...*

nth

2005-06-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

heyys...i long time nv blog liaox...bleahhx...heex,sorry larhhx...busyy preparin ferr e choir concert and also sickk...sorry kii es...?the most this blog write long long ferr euu lorrx...=) not reallyy alot of things happen bahhx this few dayyx...Jux that most of the time in schh sh0 no time to write lorr...Yesterdayy was our choir concert...the stupidd dinner came shuper late denn we hadd to rushh my dinner in likk around 5 minutes and straight aft i haff to sing...wohoos~ luckilyy nv flop...dun dare to sayy it was a sucess but at least it didnt flop...bleahhx...-.-" tuesdayy was damm worst...tuesdayy i went to schh from morning till nite to practice the songs...den fell sickk bahhx...den nv eat lunchh...the whole dayy was likk sh0 draggy ferr me...but still got thru' le...=) thank piggyy bahhx...at home bored till deathh...luckyy got himm pei me also...he went ferr e concert also but cannot spot himm larr...who askk himm nv wear redd or yellow,more strikkin denn can spot easier mahhx...hahas...jk larrx...not i suan euu derr kii es...bleahhx...lolx...=) haix...dunno wadd to do ehx...he show signs tht he wants to continue draggin this thing on...at least i also toldd himm liaox[not directlyy but enuff direct ferr himm to know what i meant] tht i jux wan to stayy this wayy...i dunno larrx...but if he really wans to reconcile whyy in the first place didnt he tell me tht he will wait ferr me...?it onlyy goes to show hes not serious,at all...since he isnt serious den whyy shld i continue to drag this thing on... *ai qing yi dan shi qu le,jiu zai ye bu hui tou le* ye xu shi ni bu hui zhen xi,but we arnt meant to be...euu get it...? sh0 wadd if i still luv euu... if i know in the end,we'll still part den whyy not do it now... likk euu sayy its no one's fault its jux tht we arnt meant to b...i finallyy get wadd euu mean... isnt it better this wayy,tht we stayy as friends? without euu,its not end of the world,its jux a matter of getting use to it... [ i'm not likk euu,i keep my promises* ]

wadd do i really wan...?

2005-05-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

jux wadd do i really wan...? i dun noe... no idea... was my kor rite... was he? i dun wan himm to b rite... it jux makes me more depressedd...was he rite tht i still luv euu...? i hope hes wrong... he wants me to stop deluding myself... he thinkks he noe me veryy well... but well, mayb he does... hes my kor... he dared me, dared me to delete ur msgs from my fone... i saidd i couldnt... i cant.its seems too a difficult task ferr me...den he saidd i still couldnt get over euu, ther was still this smth that i still feel ferr euu... the wayy he said things,seems as if i've known himm ferr years... the words he saidd jux kept appearing in my mindd...he also saidd if i wanted to really get over euu...i got to find sumone else to lean on,to share my troubles with...he saidd he was willin to...i could simplyy agree but...there's smthh wo hai shi fang bu xia...i dunnoe wad it ishh...there's jux this obstacle i cannot get over...he said hes willin to wait...but insteadd i turn him down flat...toldd himm to stop jokin and b serious...but i noe himm too well to know that he was joking,he would nv joke bout such stuff... as least june holidayys r here...sh0 let me jux hope.hope that time can takk awayy my feelings ferr himm...if i still haff feelings ferr himm...jux let me cool down and thinkk about wadd i reallyy wann... hao bahhx...i go do my workk lerr...tokk to euu all nxt time bahhx...tak care and smile alwayys wors!~ =) [ *cherishh the people euu haff byy ur side,dun wait till its too late.bfore euu regret* ]

happiness...finallyy...

2005-05-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

heyys...sh0 siannx...-.-" bleahhx...todayy hai hao bahhx...yiling and vannesa abit siao derrx...go aroundd askkiing ppl to buyy e bandd tickets...lolx...not likk me...jux standd there and do nthh bout' my choir tickets...hahas...7 more dayys to my choir concert lerrx...not reallyy worryying abt it thoughh...but sh0 badd derr,miss ong put me in the first row ehhx!*sigh* got sh0 manyy ppl shorter thann me but she pian pian put me in front... *humphh* i dun lik miss ong liaox...todayy also get backk report bks...fail historyy...bleahhx...but i pass overall...xiann mu joelin get first in the whole level...she hardworkkin mahhx,can slackk also nv slackk...not lik me,got chance to slackk den will slackk...hope parents wun scoldd bahhx,whenn i show themm the report bks...prayy hardd wors...okii es...finallyy bahhx,finallyy i can get over himm...i alwayys tryy to avoid himm...makking him hate me...hate me s0 he'll nv sayy he luv me againn...luv will nv b my piorityy in life...mayb when i older bahhx...now concentrate on studies...more important to mii...hao lerrx,stop here... mux alwayys b happy wors,no matter wadd happens kies...? =)

hmmx...

2005-05-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

great...i feel lik an total idiot now...euu r avoidin me and i m avoiding euu...i dunn reallyy care...but i need to let euu noe, i dunn breakk promises... i dun luv euu anymore...its up to euu to believe...mayb its too late to sayy all this and mayb euu alreadyy hate me but theres a reasonn ferr everything i do...even when i disappoint euu...even when i didnt agree, i hadd a reasonn,a reason that i nv told euu bfore...i will nv tell euu even if it means loosing euu... no one understands how i thinkk and whyy i do certain things...including euu...sh0 dunn thinkk i dunno its over...ermmx,yeahhx,feeling kinda depress latelyy but the reasonn ishh nv cuz of euu...euu r jux lik a part of me whichh i've given upp...if i dunn giv euu up,i'll die with the stress...gladd i finallyy found the courage...the memories will alwayys b memories,and i'll let themm fade awayy...i will nv take any along with me...i dun wann to b reminded of euu anymore...but nvr the less,u'll still b my friend...even if euu dun regerdd me as one...i m tired of pretending...really tiredd...sh0 if euu thinkk i m not happy and mayb i m sadd or smthh its not cuz of euu,mainly cuz i m sickk and sum other stuff,yepps...=) lolx...i dunn wanna liv in the wrld of sadness anymore...i hate it...i wishh i were still young, still the happy-go-lucky girl who nv worries abt anything...who smiles all dayy...but time waits ferr no mann...lolx...dunn wann to tokk anymore lerr... mux alwayys stayy happy worrs !~ =) will alwaes b behind euu der,no matter wadd euu do...take care...+_+ bleahhx...

haix...

2005-05-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

wrong abt himm?or ishh he jux tryin to mak me hate himm?I dun understand,i really dun...i dun understandd whyy i m tryying to givv myself an excuse tht that ishh not himm,its jux himm tryying to makk me hate himm...hes changed.again...but now,i no longer trust him...i dun lik this himm,i lik the old himm...haix...guys r jux sh0 unpredictable...even sumone i nv thought wld lik me sayys he like me...i onli trust me,myself and i now...perhaps sum of my friends...i wishh i was nv alive...den no one wld be disappointed and no one wld be miserable...and i could haff spared myself from the hurt...jux wad ishh luv? i wishh everything could jux tell me whyy its happening this wayy...cant everything jux turn out the wayy i wan it to? i used to askk euu to stop caring ferr me but now whyy does it seem that i rather euu care ferr me than euu treating me lik...lik a friend?mayb i still luv euu but...but i jux dun understand myself...jux wad...wad do i want? did i really luved himm or was it cuz that i was going to loose himm that it creates the feeling that i really liked himm? mayb...i dunno abt the past...and i dun care wad happens in the past cuz its all over...but i noe now,i really do luv himm..perhaps its too late but its in the luving tht i have to noe how to let go...sumtimes in luv,its not abt wad euu can do ferr the person when euu r with himm but weather euu can let go when euu noe its no use hanging on...its in the letting go that shows how muchh euu luv a person...guess mayb hes right,shld giv other ppl a chance but i noe i'll nv be happy with them...and its not fair to them if i keep thinking of euu when i m with them...luv ishh unfair...even if euu r the one that gives the most,euu mayy onli end up with hurt and nth else...sh0 trust me ferr one last time,trust me that i will giv up on euu no matter wad happens...

hiax...sh0 sadd///*

2005-05-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

sianx...-.-" ] sh0 sh0 sh0 luann... dunno wadd to do...dunn sayy euu luv mii...i dunn wann to loose another friendd...friendship ishh priceless and luv ishh smthh that wun last forever...friends makk up a big part of myy life...dunn sayy euu'll go on waiting...cuz its useless...u've known mii ferr sh0 long...euu noe it...evenn if i were togetherr wiff euu, euu mayy not b happyy and neither will ii...whyy makk life miserable...? thot it overr...i promise himm to givv upp on himm,sh0 i will makk gdd my promise and do it...euu dunn haff to worryy sh0 muchh abt me it makks me feel lik i owe euu sh0 muchh...i will alwayys b there ferr euu derr,if euu need mii but i dunn wann to force myself to luv euu outta grattitude...its not fair to u...feel sh0 heavyy...lik the whole world ishh on my shoulder...saidd i'll giv himm upp yet i m still thinkkin of himm...wonder wad's the matter wif mii...myy buddyy sayys i shld get another bf and tryy not to thinkk of himm...and that i shouldd giv the other guyy a chance...shld i? i dunno...everything in the world seems to haff cum to a stop waiting ferr me to mak a decision bfore theyy can move on...luckyy stull haff my kor...not reallyy will die...luckyy he still cann pei me...nxt time he got gf liaox denn cannnot lerr...sh0 hope he sunn sh0 fast gett gf...=) i sh0 meann...=) lolx... realli pityy himm larrx...alwayys haff to pei me when i sadd...surlyy hope i get a bf soon derr hors? lolx...denn he haff to makk me happyy...but he nv fail to makk me laughh derr larr...he alwayys cum upp withh funnyy ideas derr...hahas...=) i got to go and watchh tv liaox...cya...

tryyin to get over euu.

2005-05-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

I thot i can finallyy get euu outta myy mindd and givv euu upp...i guess mayb i was wrong...i cann givv euu up,i cann but...it takes time...a long time..i m jux hesitating...i luv euu alot...i dun wishh to forget euu...in schh it seems lik i hate euu alot...whenever euu walkk towardds mii,i'll purposelyy look awayy...i dun hate euu cuz i cant bringg myself to hate euu...jux cant and unable to...I m sorryy if euu r hurt,i haff to...cuz i cant bring myself to b hurt again...i dun wan to look at euu and the feelings start to return againn...i noe its impossible that euu will wait ferr me...i noe but...haix...i dunno...seriouslyy i dunno whyy i m still waiting and hesitating to giv euu up completelyy...u mayy mean a lot to me but i will nv nv nv nv ever force euu to b with me cuz i dunn wann euu to b miserable...i've stopp beingg sadd cuz of euu stopp luving euu as muchh but i still thinking off euu...still luving euu...cant i jux stopp hurting myself? cant i jux stop luving euu? i criedd...cuz euu wann me to really givv euu up...i made that as a promise and euu nv even stopp me fromm doing sh0...i was right...dead right this time...euu dun luv me...whyy did euu haff to tokk to me...it'll onli makk me thinkk of euu more...wishh i couldd jux hate euu...but i cant...its a fact that'll alwayys be a fact...not gona tryy anyymore to forget euu...time can heal all the hurt and mayb i can stopp luving euu...but i can nv nv nv ever forget euu...euu haff become a big part of my memories...and euu will nv be replace...cuz u r...euu...not jux anybodyy...if i breakk my promise , i m sorryy...luv,luv,luv...what's that...i dun seem to know what's tht anymore...i wishh i hadd nv grownn up then i will nv know what luv was,and...i wouldnt haff fallen in luv with euu...

cant facee himm...

2005-05-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

haix...tmr got schh liaox...sh0 sianx...cannot holidayy summore arhhx...triedd sh0 sh0 hardd to make me not luvv himm anyymore...denn tmr see himm againn...denn ltr againn fang bu xia...dui ta hai shi si bu liao xin...i jux wanna runn farr farr awayy fromm euu,sh0 i'll nv see ur face againn...the face that trigger all the memories backk...backk to myy mindd...and it all seemed lik theyy jux happened yesterdayy...thot abt euu alot these few dayys...thinkk abt whyy i luv euu sh0 muchh and whyy i hadd even luved euu in the first place...cant seem to findd a reason...a reason and an answer to all the questions i have in myy mindd...but,ai yi ge ren ru guo you yuan ying de hua,na ge yuan ying ying gai shi she me ne? its often when euu luv a personn too much that its dangerous cuz theres no limit to how muchh euu cann do ferr that personn..theres no bounderies...to stopp euu fromm even hurting urselff..i alsh0 thot of that moment that i was faced wif that question,that question i knew i hadd to answerr no matter how i tryy to run awayy fromm,its jux a matter of time..euu askk me to b ur steadd...i was thinkking real hardd...i dunno if i shld agree...neither do i wishh to disappoint euu and myself...i didnt noe what i was doing and mayb i made a mistake...mayb i shouldd haff agree...den i wouldnt be sh0 sadd noww...i regretted when i knew euu were disappointedd in me as i was in myself...i not onlyy have made myself miserable but sumone i treasured,cherished and luved sh0 muchh disppointedd..i was very guiltyy at that moment...but noww when i thinkk back i dunn realli regret the decision that i made earlier...when backk den i could make the decision into letting euu go, it meant that i really luved euu...cuz at that time i knew that euu dunn really luved me...maybb...perhapps i hadd alreadyy accepted that fact that i could actualli persuade myself to close myy eyes and let euu go...i realise i hadd alsh0 grown up,i finally understand the meaning of what's meant to be will be and what's not will nv no matter wad euu do...mayb i was going overbroad into askking euu to wait ferr me time and time againn but i dunn wann euu to tell me euu no longer luv me and that dayy,i would be even more miserable and upset...but dis time,dis time if euu r gona wait ferr me,i promise myself that i would nv let euu go again...nv...no matter wadd happens...if euu didnt den mayb its high time i really accept the fact that...u're...gone...forever...nv to returnn...these feww dayys,i guess i really tot alot...and straightenn out many of my thoughts...and wadd to do...

...

2005-05-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

euu sayy i muz be happyy...tell me how? how can i be happyy... if euu were me would euu be? gladd the dayy that i m able to giv euu up seems nearer...gladd that my feelings for euu are numb now... even if one dayy i see euu with another girl, i wun cryy... but accept the fact that its overr...i haff alreadyy taken one big step into acceptin the fact that its over but i still cant take the bigger step into letting euu go and not luvin u anymore...i cried jux now when i talked to euu...euu still cared...cared weather i m sadd...saidd u wunn wan me to be sadd...wan me to be happy...euu saidd i was cold...i was...cuz i couldnt be 'warm' towards euu...i was cryying...i didnt dare to let euu noe...shedding tears whichh i noe i shouldnt haff...i noe since the dayy that i took the wrong step into luving euu,i should haff to take the step backk one dayy...but whyy mux the dayy be noww? when i m at my weakest...I no longer regretted rejecting euu...bcuz i noe if two person r not meant to be,theyy will nv be together no matter wadd happens...not even if the skyy drops...theyy will still haff to part one dayy...its jux a matter of time...theyy sayy ppl grow in the process of luv...and i finally understandd whyy...no longer look forwardd to schh,no longer miss euu,no longer luv euu as muchh but i m still cryying crying over euu...its onli when i cryy i start to miss and think of uu sh0 muchh...its onli when i no longer feel anything ferr euu that i dun really feel sadd...i wishh i were happyy...mayb its bcuz i m immune to euu hurting me that i no longer feel sh0 muchh hurt now when euu hurt me and when i think and look back into the memories...guess sh0 and i hope things will start to look better from now on...let jux hope...

pride or kai jie?

2005-05-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

i cried ferr euu cried till all my tears dried up... i had enuff of crying...i wun cry anymore...wo dui ni hai shi si bu liao xin...i m still waitin for the dayy,the dayy that u'll cum back...i noe its impossible but its also impossible to giv u up totallyy... i alwayys tryy to avoid euu yett it cantt reallyy be help sincemy friends r sho close to euu...i see euu all the time but each time i tryy not to look at euu...see euu once and my heartt will shatter once...see u once and i feel so hurt...this ishh the first time the first time i've fallen this deep for a guyy...i onli liked 2 guyys in my life...yet u'll alwayys be the one i will nv forgett...cuz u r the one that made me cryy...the first guyy... if one dayy this blog thingy disappear, i'll realli go crazyy...reallyy... cuz by that time i wun haf anything or anyone to su ku... u noe life sux now...i cant look at euu,since i rejected i should giv euu up...i can onli look at euu in silence when u dun realise sho that u wun think of me...think that i haven giv up yet...i tryy not to look at euu all the time...i thinkk u noe....u made me feel so badd so guilty of myself... i luv u so yet i rejected u... u mux be thinking i say ai yi ge ren jiu jian jian dan dan der ai...den whyy i dun do it myself... cuz its for ur own good... u'll nv be happyy with me... nv... if u waited... mayb u will but now u will nv... cuz u dun love me enuff... u understand? haix...nvm...u will nv understand...nv...and nv tryy to understand me cuz u will nv...cuz u dun understand me...haix...*ending off my dayy in a wayy that's not suppose to be*

given up on himm alreadi?haf i?or m i jux deceiving myself?

2005-05-11T21:31:00.000-07:00

Feeling better liaox...not lik yesterday...almost went crazyy...haixx...its all my fault...i m sorryy...i was just making things complicated...sorryy...but what's done has been done...i guess i was jux asking too much from euu...mayb its too much makin u wait for me time and time againn...but lik i sayy its up to euu...todayy sux...i watched euu from afar,realise u were happyy...u didnt noe i was looking at euu...looking at u from afar realli hurts me...but i dun wan euu to noe i haven given up on euu yet...i cant !u understand? mayb i was being selfishh,by making u wait...but i jux wanted to be sure u dun regret being with me...i dun wan ltr u end up hurtin me more...u noe i cant take blows...i m strong on the outside...deep inside i m not... i miss euu sh0 muchh...i onli caught a glimpse of u todayy...onli one glimpse...tmr seemed so farr awayy... i miss euu so badly...today, the whole dayy,i forced myself not to think of euu... but i still thought of euu aft my exams...when i was alone facing the four walls at home,i couldnt get euu outta my mind...whyy? tell me whyy? whyy do i lurve u shoo much? why does it seem that i cant find a reason whyy i luv u sho muchh? i was lost yesterday yet u werent there to lead me out...tell me euu nv loved me...make me giv up on euu...once i've given up on euu,forget me...take the memories but move on...i m not worth euu remembering...all u haf to take with u ishh that there was once this girl,this girl whom luv u alot and will nv stop luving and thinking of euu...all u haf to noe ish sumone ishh luving u every single moment...onli euu haff e keyy to moi heart...onli euu and no one and nothing can ever replace euu...cuz u r...euu...promise me that u will be happy alwayys...as long as u r,i m also... * wei she me wo hai shi wo fa ba ni gei wang le...wo shou dao dan zhou de dao ma?* *wo bu yao ye bu xiang ba ni gei wang le* *deng wo bahh* *dan yao bu yao deng,hai shi you ni jue ding*

haix//* did i realli do wrong?

2005-05-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

angelyn sayys my blog ish e world of sadness...i live in the world of sadness...i jux wanna find ethel now can cryy cryy and cryy...i wanna find my god brother...i wanna die...do u understand how i feel? no u dun cux u can nv b me...i rejected himm again...i m sorry...wadd would u do if the onli person that can make u stop crying ish the one that had made u cry? u noe why i rejected u? i got 101 reasons to reject u and onli 1 reason to accept u...that one reason ish that i luv u...if u had said u would wait for me,i would haf agreed...i jux wanna see how much u luv me...and u disappoint me...utterly disappointed...we wernt wrong...we jux werent meant to be...no one can make me cry other than my friends and u...u...whyy did u have to be so special...?why why? can everything stop turnin out the way i m afraid the way it would turn out? can fate tell me if we r meant to b? can reality stop torturing me?can my head stop spinning...can my heart stop luving himm?can i stop thinking abt himm and accept the fact that all that's left are memories? i dunno...i m lost...first time i've felt so lost...if i dun haf this blog i would haf been crazyy...u lied...i hate u...cuz u lied...u said i mean alot to u yet i noe u nv meant it...i dunno why i m crying so badly...can u tell me why? if u dun luv me,tell me...dun be draggy abt it...if u had told me in the first place all these wouldnt haf happened...u agree? but theres no use sayying whose wrong now...cuz its over and i should learn to accept the fect that its over...and that u r jux my friend...*sigh*

dunno

2005-05-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

hmmm...finally she not so sadd lerr...happy ferr her...yet me? yesterday sux...yesterday i wasnt in the best of mood...i vented my anger on himm...i m sorry...i didnt mean to but i told u there will b a day i'll really go crazy...why is the urge to cry there now? i dun wanna cry,darlin...seriously i rather not...i dun wan to think of euu yet it seemed impossible... mayb i shld be happy...but sumhow i cant brighten up... i miss euu so much darling... it seemed tht ferr so long i haven seen u...yesterday fabian said smth...smth which makes me think and go on wonderring why luv mus be so complicated...if u luv sumone jux go all out ferr her why hold back and hesitate? everything u do has a reason, a reason that i dun understand... i m so tired...i wan to lie one ur shoulder and slp forever...cuz reality ish just sux and fate ish just to cruel...u jux dun understand wad i wan...u dun seem to...but i noe u noe...u do rite? i realise i can tok to sumone so much abt u... yet to euu i hold back so muchh...to muchh that u dunno how i feel about u...yet i noe u dun tell me that much things either... its trust...u trust me but yet u r afriad i wun b happy...i trust u but yet dun wan to loose u...yet holding back the truth wun help solve matters... haix...so sian...monday still got exams...till friday...today history so dfi...almost die >.<

happy 13th bdae...[ethel]

2005-05-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

back ferr blog liaos...13 more dayys to Ethel's birthday...lolx...HaPpY bIrThDaY!!! bought her present liaoz//* mus make Ethel happi on her birthday. wors...you guys mak sure she not sad arhx...Ethel,mus always be happi kies? rem. life still has to go on derr...wif or without him...dun so sad liaos...jux read ur blog...i noe sayin it ish easy, forgettin him ish another thing...but u will nv b happi livin in the shadow of ur past...wad's past ish past//* we cant change e past but we can change e future and make e best outta the present...and no matter wad i will b there to b ur force to move on...dun b lik me kies?
as ferr me...dunno if i shld b happi notz...mayb i shld...mayb i shouldnt...i finally heard the words i wanted to hear yet i m not in e least happi...i m still afraid...wad's wrong wif me...i realise u've hurt me shoo much tht its dif. to put my trust in u...i dunno if i shld believe u...i dun wan to cry over u again dun wan to b hurt by u again and i dun wan u to break ur promises to me again...i dun wan history to repeat itself...can u promise me that? dun make me heartbroken again...kies?
*sumthings,if they r meant to b,they will b,if they r nvr meant to b,they wil nv b*
and i hope and prayy and wishh that we r meant to b... *dun wishh u to leave ever again. *
lovin u always, cheryl...

i hate my wrld.i hate u.i hate me.

2005-04-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

i hate me.i hate my werld.i going die soon.everything's dealting me with a blow i cant take.my mum.shes ivading into my privacy and i hate her.i cant stand it.she use to trust me alot and let me do wadever i wan but now its lik she controlling so much that i dun see as much freedom lik wad i use to haf.my dad's still ok...at least hes not lik myy mum.first this and then u...i found out recently u lik sumone.ni ting dao wo der xin sui mahh? bi zhi dao wo wei ni diao ler duo shao lei mahh? wo kuai yao ben kui lerr... my cousin alwaes tell me to b happy.look on e bright side of life.but let me ask u.what's there 4 me to b happy abt? its jux the pretenance that fools everybody...when i knew that u lik sumone else,i pretended that i didnt care.i cried ferr u,cried till my tears ran dry...but u still werent here. can u ever understadn how i feel? no u can nvr. i hate everything. i hate life.my world sux. i feel so tired. i dun wan to walk on without meaning. i feel so heavy that i can collaspe anytime. i said i made a wishh a wishh that'll nvr come true. that wish is ferr u to hold my hand and walk on with me.i knew its impossible cuz in ur heart theres onli her...my mother.u. its enuff to make me go crazy. i feel like i m a rock on a mountain cliff...one more movement and i'll fall into the valley below. i feel like i m a tree branch, going to snap anytime. why muz i live a life so controlled? why cant i liv life the way i wan? life's meaningless...nth ferr me to liv ferr...i m better off dead. but ferr e sake of my friends.esp. ethel. i wun. all i wan to do now ish to call u darlin ferr e last time. can e memories jux fade away? can i jux get u outta my mind? its seems so tough i doubt i m gona make it cuz i dun lik givin u up. in my mind, i noe its impossible that we will reconcile, but in my heart its e hope that u've given me that can keep it still hoping ferr that day to come...and in luv its the heart that leads e way not e mind...i cried countless time ferr u today.i jux feel so ...so sad...i wishh u were here to stop me from crying. here to say u lurve me...but i m jux dreaming i guess//* cuz i noe once theres her in ur heart theres no me...i m jux like a 2nd 'mel'..the onli dif is that she dun truly luv u but i do... still i wan u to b happy.take carries. *+* luv ish not onli abt how much u luv sumone but its in the how much that u luv sumone that u will let go for the sake of his/her happiness... i lurve u...

hate him yet cant bring myself to do so//*

2005-04-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

today's e worst day i ever had in my life...worst...firstly, i went to white sands and i wasnt happy at all...cuz of smth...then me ethel yiling vannesa and andrea were caught by mr ng were caught by him at white sands...andrea was running around cuz this stupid guy took her baby photo...and that made mr ng come up...he took our name tags...and ask for our phones...luckily i took out the sim card when he ask us to search for the guys who ran...but it doesnt make a difference...cuz in e end i still got back my phone...we went back to sch and in e end he jux gave back our phones without any pc or stuff like that...(hes in good mood i think) haix... i hate today...i realise u nvr loved me...u were already moving on and i m still where i had started...u lik sumone else...i was rite...i shouldnt haf been so softhearted...i should have hated u...i should have let u go...but i realise i cant...i m shedding tears,tears which will go unseen...tears which i shouldnt even have sheded ferr u...can u understand how i feel now? no u cant...bcuz u nvr luved anyone truly and deeply bfore...i dun wan to see u anymore...i dun wan u to see me cry...go farr farr away from me...ask urself, were u ever there when i need u? were u always there to stop me from crying or were u always the one who make me cry? yet i m crying over u rite now.rite this moment rite this minute rite this second...i told u to walk on without me...but u said u can walk on with me...what's the use of giving sumone hope when u urself cannot promise that person hope? u will onli hurt me more u understand? i admit i luv u but still u shouldnt abuse it...its difficult ferr me to giv u up u noe it...but still u haf no excuse to giv me a false hope...why mus i be the 2nd her... * yuan lai ai qing shou zou jiu zou * zhe me wan liu ye wan liu bu hui lerr...

heyys...i guess i still cant let go...haix

2005-04-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

yepps...baq ferr another blog...lols...mus chen ji blog now...exam come liao then cannot blog lerr...ahas...so must blog more often when i still can...okies let me not crap nemore and get on wif wad i wanna say...in my previous blog if i m not wrong i said i almost gave himm up,yeahh i said tht...but was i deceiving myself back then? if i werent then why did it seem so difficult not to look at himm in sch today? i realli dunno if i can giv him up...seriously i dunno...i dun even noe he likes me not...so stuck...jux wish he could get me out...hes no longer cold towards me...but now i m to himm, i guess...cuz i dun no wad to do...i can still feel that u're not happi...i dun think u r in the least happi...mayb its cuz of me...i feel that i m lik ur anchor, stoppin u from moving ahead... dun hesitaite if u wanna giv me up... i will nvr blame u...nvr...cuz i can nvr bring myself to blame u...i guess...i haben seen u after recess and it seems lik so long...it something i haf nvr felt bfore...then why do i feel this way today? i miss u so...i realise that its not that i cannot giv u up but i dun wan to...cuz i dun wan our story to be jux memories...i dun wan to regret.i wan to see ur smile.ur smile cuz of me.not anyone else but cuz of me... i haven seen u smile cuz of me ferr a very long time... [` its in the longing and yearnin for u that i can nvr seem to control `] do i still luv u?do u still luv me?do u think our story will haf a happy ending? questions r all over my mind...waitin ferr u ans...but i guess my doubts will nvr be cleared... haix...some things r jux meant to be.... some things if they r meant to be urs they will be,if they r not,they will nvr be... *w0 zh ii xiian gg shou , w0 a ii nii*

nth much...jux fer the sake of blogging.

2005-04-25T19:15:00.000-07:00

days since i blog...nth much really happen so nvr blog..haix...besides busy preparing ferr exam also...exam coming soon...tmr i going to play badminton with calida...yeahhs...get himm off my mind ferr a while...75 days...it was one the 76th day that i almost gave himm up...its was also on that day that he said he could walk on with me...i hate to say this but i still luv him...somehow, it seemed so difficult to get himm off my mind...i no longer stare at himm in the eye...i dun//* i onli look at him in silence...bcux i noe...i noe that i m not the one who could bring him happiness...i m onli his burden...i dun wan to see him suffer...he doesnt seem happi these few days and i think its cuz of me...i dunno but i can sense hes nvr happi...its a feelin that i cant describe...listen, if things were meant to be ,why do we all end up hurt in the end...? mayb its jux a cruel joke that heaven played on us... it hurts... but its fate and i've got to accept it...the easy part of loving ish luving someone and the difficult part ish to get the one u luv to luv u back...ethel is rite...there's no use forcing urselves to be together cuz it'll onli hurt more ppl... i belive if we r meant to be , we will be no matter wad...no matter hoe much setbacks we face... i told u everything that u needed to noe...the rest ...its up to u...but no matter wad happens i'll always b dere//* w0 congg laii mei houu hu ii aii gu0 n ii*

ai qing zhen de shou zou jiu zou mah?

2005-04-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

I broke my promise.my promise to myself that i'll never cry.cuz of u again. I jux don understand. I jux dun. why do we always meet when er didnt arrange to meet or smth?but why do things always crop up when we arrange to meet? ish fate play a prank on me? I hope u r not angry wif me. if u r, there's nth i can do. I had a headache yesterday. cuz i guess i was too busy and unable to cope. but why do i do that? u ever thot of e reason? if i were to sit still and stare int o space, i will think of u. and the memories will come back. i dun wan to cry again. i hate the fact that i can never bring myself to hate u. even if i hate, my luv will always overcome the hatred. u dun see the real me. u see the happy me everyday. who bothers to see thru my mask? do u? beneath the mask lies a broken heart. a heart that not everyone can mend. If u were to say u hav no feelings for me at all, i dun believe. cuz if u had never luved me, u wouldnt hav changed cuz of me, u wouldnt hav bothered to ask my sister about me. u wouldnt do all those things. ai wei she me yao zhe me de zhe mo? wei she me wo men bu ke yi jian jian dan dan de ai de dui fang. yi sheng yi shi dou bu fen bie?
+ [[ forbidden luv ]] + ... I knew i could never be able to be friends with u...i tried not to luv u... i tried, i really did.i thot i succeeded. but i realise i was onli trying to deceive myself. its impossible. i still think of u as that flawless and perfect person in my eyes. m i still tht perfect in ur eyes? or was i nvr perfect? I hate my self.I hate my world. i hate everything in my life. life is jux too torturin i cant take it anymore. i m almost breakin down. on the verge of desperation. i feel u there. u r there i noe. but i cant feel ur luv. i dun xpect u to force urself to luv me if u dun but dun attack me with a blow that i cant take it. i hope when i count the starrs tonite.u will still be the brightest star. my guardian starr. [[ i dun wanna walk alonee* will u walk on wif me?]] dun leave me like u left her. wo yao wu men de jie ju xiang tong hua li na yang de wan mei,na me de ling ren xian mu. *ai qing nan dao shou zou jiu zou mah? * luv me for who i m and not luv me for i luv u. will i see the rainbow after the rain and storm? if i do, i dun mind going thru the storm. cuz wad i get is more than wad i hav suffered thru the storm. u get wad i mean? i dun need someone who can say i luv u but sum1 who realli mean what he says. i'll still luv u no matter wad. unless u tell me u hate me. even then i cant promise u i will stop luving u...

hahas...dun make fun of me again...

2005-04-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

right.baqs ferr another blog.lols.dun haf much to blog but blog so u guyys know what's going on in my life.BTW,life sux.hmm...ok.so far i hadnt really been very unhappy.try to keep my cool when things happen.learn how to accept things the way they r.i no longer dream or hope u'll b mine.that'll u'll b my one and only.no longer.cuz there's no use forcing stuff u urself know will nvr happen.I said all that i wan u to know in the past few months that i've known u. i still luv u though.but if we r stuck here and is unable to make a decision we wun be able to move on.mayb.mayb its time ferr me to appreciate those who care bout me.those who care bout me evryday silently.those who walks on wif me.I've learn to giv them a chance. but i m still waitin.waitin ferr u.i saw u today.i had a feelin u were there.but i thot i was jux thinking too much.but i saw u.imagine.how do we keep meetin each other?issit meant to b? I jux dun understand. if we wern't meant to be why wld fate make fun of us lik that? *i realise i've grown up in the process of luv*

mayb its meant to be?

2005-04-13T23:40:00.000-07:00

hix...lols yeahhs.baq ferr nother blog.bleahhs.juz read on.if in life there was no such thing as luv,wld the world be much simplier? can't luv be more simple? why mus it b so complicated? I've been sayin that i luv him alot,i noe.I noe.but why cant trust him nemore? I've been thinkin alot.over wad u had said.I've not forgotten what u've said to me. I hate the fact that even if i hate u, i'll still luv u. and its always the luv tht overcomes the hatred. always. I dun care wad ppl say. in my wrld there's no others. u talked to me in sch. i felt awkward. the way u called my name still achoes in my mind. the way u ran durin heats, the way u looked at me. evrythin has been on my mind. I kept my promise to myself not to cry over u again. I kept it. I really have no idea wad to say now.no idea at all. it feels heavy so heavy. i gona collaspe one day. I hope whenever i look out of my window into the night sky, u're still the shiniest star. u r still that something so special in my heart. its jux tht u've changed.to someone i dun recognise as u. Its dif. to give up on u. even if i dun luv u nemore.cuz u are the onli one whom i've ever saw things such as a coincidence. such a special begining. one so memorable that i'll nvr be able to forget in my life. i realise tht when u luv sum1 its not in the gettin of the someone tht makes u feel really satisfied. but its when u see the smiles on their faces. its jux warms ur heart. somehow. u said luv is lik a one way traffic, there's no way u can u-turn. i finally realise wad u meant. its me. once i luved u, its not easy to giv up. wei she me ai qing shou zou jiu zou?

haix//* life totalli sux.sux.damm downright sux...

2005-04-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

heyys.yepps.long time no blog lerrx.lols.can say i busy lorr.ahahas.since sho many ppl wan to see me blog then i come blog lorr.
haix.my heart so luan luan de now.dunno i hate him more or i luv him more.haix.I luv him bcuz hes the way he is but i hate him at certain times.u r so unpredictable.I dunno wad to say.realli.but i didnt xpect all these to happen.disappointed in u.upset wif u.yet i had always been askin myself.
"does he realli mean sho much to me?"
"do i luv him or m i jux deceivin myself?"
"or issit cuz i jux dun wan to let go of smth i knew i was so close to getin?"
I dunno.honestly i dunno.I used to be realli afraid to tell u all these.I know u r not happi.dun deceive urself.u said u rather not lik me or her.gives u headche.it was wad u said.but u r not happi.I finally comprehen why u giv me those "i dunno" ans.u may noe the ans deep down in ur heart but u urself dun wan to noe.and dun bother to get an ans.its runnin away from a problem unsolved.My opinion changed of u recently.but do i still luv u? haix.gtg.nites.

isit fate?

2005-04-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

yeahhs.bleahhs.haix.tmr got ballet exam.today was a bad day,a real bad one.I saw her when i went to mac with my friends.bleahhs.took it lik normal.didnt really lik make a fuss over it though i had to sit at a table nxt to her.haix.I saw him.yea,i mean himm.bfore cca.I seeing him evrywhere.why is fate drawin us so close yet hes so farr away from my heart.why?i feel lik dying.I arnt gona see himm till mon.which is 3days away.3 whole days.can u imagine?gona miss him lik crazy.missing him right now thought.*sigh*I realli wish i haf the courage to ask him out and sort evrything out.evrything.I dunno wad's going on between us now.i realli dun.and i need to noe if he still luves me.I need to noe all these.I wan to write an ending ferr our story.be it a sad one or a happi one,i realli dun wish to go on lik this.I wanna noe what's going on.shes no longer an obstacle.no longer our obstacle.then wad's keepin u from luvin me.I know u still have feelings fer me.i noe.i can feel.but i need u to confirm it.i need to u tell me u luv me.I realli wish i wld nvr let go of u and walk on wif u.I m realli very tired.I feel lik i m gona break down soon.u said u'll be there to let me lean on u.cuz u said i was ur darlin.dun make empty promises.dun.if that's the case then u may as well dun make any.u onli make me more upset and disappointed in u once and once again.It really hurts u noe.i realli wonder what's keepin u from lovin me.what's drawing all ur luv fer me back.dun b lik this.it realli jux breaks my heart.luv someone yet dare not luv.if onli there were words to describe how i feel.then u will understand.a picture paints a thousand words yet a picture could nvr be able to bring out the meanin fully of luv.nvr.cuz no number or words can ever describe how much i luv u.u noe tht.dun leave me in despair again.be wad u once were.

nth..jux blog ferr fun and updates.

2005-04-06T21:28:00.000-07:00

so many things happen,all within such a short time...its onli been 3 days since i bloged and so many things has to happen...I know u told her smth...if not she wont avoid me lik shit in sch...i dun noe if she hates me or she feels inferior...I should haf guess as much wad u haf told her...I guess ppl realli change...in sch on monday,i was superr derr upset...usually if i upset i still can force to smile...but monday,I couldnt...nth seems to interest me...tuesday i was very blur...wore pe attire instead of sch uniform...today as blur as yesterday...tmr?what will hapen to me?fri is my ballet exam...I m not going to sch...I dunno how i m gona pul through the exam but its terrible not seein u ferr 3 whole days...they feel lik weeks...its a feeling like smth's missing from ur life...the worst thing is tmr i may not even get to see u...I realli wanna noe why u change.and why u haf to change...its realli tears me apart whenever i think of u...its no longer the sweet memories but the hurt.and the pain.that lies in the bottom of my heart...wo zai zui xu ruo de shi huo,ni zai na li?wo kan dao ni,jian shi ba dao cha guo wo zi ji de xin...I dunno if u still luv me anot but my luv ferr u has nvr changed...mayb even shes not even an obstacle...bcuz even without her,we r still unable to move on...we've come to road where its seperated into two ways...either we go our own paths and nvr will we meet again or u walk wif me.I guess when we've all cooled down,evrything's over...over.its takes a day to forgive but a lifetime to forget some things...realli...let me jux let fate decide...if tmr i see u after cca,then its fate...take care,best wishes,me...

2005-04-03T12:24:00.000-07:00

haiz...sometimes i really wonder if u realli still luv me...do u?then why issit that u seem to haf changed?u r no longer as sweet as bfore,as caring as bfore and no longer luv me as bfore...if u say u luv me,why issit that the question still lies in my head?why issit still that i cannot promise myself u realli luv me and wun hurt me again?I can no longer know what u r thinkin of,no longer...I used to be able to read u lik a bk...I noe when u luv me and when u do not...I know,but now u r too unpredictable...I dunno when u r lying and when u r telling the truth...and weather u mean certain things that u say a not...I dunno if i should trust ur words...I m really afraid,I dun wan to be like her...u get it?Shes a great example...its shows that doesnt mean u put in more effort u wun end up getting hurt in the end...haix...u've changed...and i've seen the bad sii de of u...I can no longer see u as the purrfect guy i use to noe...u seem so different...but yet it still seem hard to giv up on u...why?issit the amount of luv i still haf for u deep inside?or issit that i m still livinin in the memories?or wad?I dunno i realli dun...I feel that every step i m about to take affects everything...including me...yet u r takin it so lightly...u can doubt my luv ferr u...but u cannot doubt that i was really upset overr u and her...crystal was sure to haf told u smth...I noe,shes trying to draw us to together...but the problem is,issit supose to be?I dun wan to b together u wif u and then u realise i m not the one u luv...I dun wan u to regret,i rather u b happi...but u'll always be my darlin.no matter how much u changed...cuz i noe there mux be smth inside me that makes me think of u all e time...I know its that feelin...

hahas...mayb its jux meant to be...

2005-03-31T17:41:00.000-08:00

hihix...yesterday i didnt come online,so didnt blog...heex...yesterday haff to study ferr my bio test mah...so haff no time...lols...yesterday i had class*...On my way there,i saw himm...Yea,himm...No,my eyesight's nt failing me and I really saw him...haix...We had a unique startin,a startin i'll nvr forget...And many things seem to be too much of a coincidence...Fate is cruel,reality is hurting...If we're not meant to b,why let things b so much of a coincidence? R we meant to be?or issit jux heaven makin a fool of me? I dun lik to control things as to how they will turn out...I let nature take its course,cuz i know everything is meant to be...If hes suppose to leave me in the end, then why make things turn out lik that? why mus heaven make everything more difficult ferr me to forget? haix...I donno...at least everything is not so bad now...I understand that life has to go on with or without him...hahas...Now,i try not to think abt him...or u can say numbing my feeling ferr himm...I'm jux afraid of one thing...that after i've sort things out,everything may b over...haix...I guess,i'll jux have to see how everything goes...

my com damm sucky sia

2005-03-28T21:50:00.000-08:00

Sorry ferr the fact that i haven blog ferr so long lerr...dun blame me...blame it on my idiotic com...dun no what's wrong with it lorr...damm stupid anyway...haix...today got back alot of testpapers...My marks r all on a downhill...Yi luo qian zhang...dunno wad happen...my father ltr ban me from the com then die...haix...my chinese esp. lorr...can die...dun even haf an A leh...haix...missed by 2 marks lorr...haix...my geog. test is supper easy lorr...but all the careless things like spell wrongly make me get 9 &1/2...arghhh...still fail...need tht half more mark to pass...ltr father sure sure scold lerr...haix...Mux brush up on my studies lerr...Gong ke and himm mux fen ming...not ltr in the end the one that suffer is me...hahas...He arh...haix...dun wan to think abt him lorr...onli will make me sad...dampen my feelings...So most of the times when i think of him,will brush the thought aside...numb my feelings ferr the time being...polish my studies first...He means alot to me but...still studies r also important... :) Arghh!!!!I cant stand it...my parents keep constrianin my use of the com...haix...and they r always trying to probe into my privacy...cant they jux leave me alone?I have more tho worry about already!!!everything is giving me a headache... studies.parents.him.exams.haix...under the pressure i m gona die...DIE!!! haix... *on the edge of breaking down* I really almost couldnt hold out anymore...haix...cant my parents jux be more understanding? can they dun add to my worries? I noe wad to do...they dun haf to worry...lik...Lik,do they even trust me at all? haix...so many things on my mind...changed my blog address cos of them...haix...Luckily still haff my buddy...Me buddy will always be wif me derr horr?haix... mayb soon i'll go mad...stress...StReSs...STRESS!!!how i wish i m not alone...how i wish he'll always be there to giv me the strength to walk on...with him, nth is iMpOsSiBlE...hahas... =) I dunn wanna* walkk alonn ee*will u walkk onn wiff m ii?

hahas...great!~

2005-03-25T12:07:00.000-08:00

hihix.baq ferr another blog.hurry blog cos ltr i got to go church.today is good friday.hahas,public holiday so haff time.haix.i cant believe i said all those things to him last nite.what gave me the courage to say all those things...?hahas...I was cryin as i type evry single word...I know he doesnt lik me to cry but i really coudnt control them yesterday...I try to be happi in sch so he wun noe i m upset...But its often when i m alone that i really break down...Its at that moment that i really wish he was here...To lent me his shoulder to lean on...But i noe its impossible...bcos the onli one that can stop me from crying is the one that made me cry...Yesterday as i told him to go wif her,my heart really shattered...I was realli afraid that he would say ok he'll go wif her since its my wish...really afraid...cos i told u.u mean almost everything to me...But he didnt...he choose to avoid...whenever i ask him abt e other girl,he'll choose to shun them...Hes trying hard,very hard not to make me upset...when i ask u to go wif her,issit cos u still luv me that u said u dunno?do u still luv me?No one know how much i luv u...Its all hidden beneath me...its ferr u to discover...but since u cant even overcome her as the obstacle...wad bout the bigger obstacles in the future?I cant promise myself that u'll be able to overcome them...If she really mean that much to u,then dun giv her up...dun be lik me...Opportunities nvr come knocking on the door twice...u will regret in the future...darlin,i know u still luv me.I know...but the problem is,do u luv me more than u luv her?do u? I'll luv u always my darlin,no matter wad happens...

hahas...great!~

2005-03-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

haix.helpless.

2005-03-23T06:42:00.000-08:00

why...tell me why.do u know how much it hurts?u are so far yet so near,so near yet so untouchable.I was sitting there,helpless.all i could do was watch.watch u sitting closely to her.watch the chemistry between u two grow.My heart shattered.what u wan me to say?many things went through my mind.lots.memories of u and me.the happy times.did all those times went to waste?did they matter to u at all?or was she the only thing on ur mind?I dun hate her.i told u.I only hate myself.myself ferr not cherishing u in the past.darlin,i dun need u to love me baq if u dun.seriously.My wrld will stop spinin' cos of u but i wan u to be happy.i dun wan u to be hurt.i wan u to be happy.that's the last thing i could do ferr u.I'll always love u no matter where u r.cos no matter where u r,u will always be close to my heart.always. *my love ferr u is sacrificial.love doesnt need to boost.I love u wif all my heart.its silent.its hidden rite inside.will u wan to noe how much i love u?* i'll luv u always,my darlin.

heex.

2005-03-18T15:17:00.000-08:00

oh okies.baq for another blog.seems like ppl r always looking forward to my blog.ahahas.hmm.today nth special orh.had class in e morning.did lots of mistakes in my class cos today i sick.gt sore throat and cough.dun feel well.hahas.too bad,hes not there.hes not there to be my angel and look after me.haiz.he used to panic whenever i told him i had a headache.now,i guess even if i tell him i gona die,he wont even bother.mayb he will.as a fwen wld.the feeling is no longer there.I cant seem to feel it anymore.its gone.its gone as the time passes by every single moment.sometimes i really wish i can turn back the time.if only i had cherished him more.mayb i need to learn how to love.why do ppl only treasure ppl around them only when they r about to loose them?haix.i guess its over.Ai yi dan shi qu le jiu yong bu hui tou.reality is cruel.jux too cruel.i wan to slp foreva.cos its only in my dreams that i see u.the u which promised to luv me till the end of time.hahas.ok.ltr i going to church orh.then after church then decide weather wan to meet me buddy not.see how.see i tired not.heex. *time used to be a threat to me,cos i used to be really afraid of loosing u,darlin.but now every moment seem to be draggin without u.lurvin u always,cheryl*

its mayb a burden off my shoulder.

2005-03-17T20:47:00.000-08:00

hihix.I so sian now.so jux blog orh.since u guys always ask me to update me blog.haz.u jux came online.saw e thing pop up.I thought of meetin u up tmr and give an ending to everything.But now having second thoughts.I wish to end everything,so u can be happy.so u don have to make a decision.I know in ur heart theres only her.theres no more space ferr me.but if i were to make that decision,i would really cry.i know u wan me to stay strong,but there r times when one cant really control ones feelings.its goes to show how much u mean to me.everything is dragging.everyone is waiting ferr u to make a decision.I'll help u put an end to everything.but issit worth it?jus to make euu smile?Wo de xin xian zai hao luan hao luan.can sum1 pls help wo?

lols.wad to say.

2005-03-15T14:51:00.000-08:00

Hihi.Finally come baq and blog le.lols.Hmm...wad to say bout now.Last sunday,my friend's church organise something called 'amazing race' or smth lah.Its smth like the one u watch on tv orh.Heex.I took part in it.Then in one of the stations we have to eat a bug that was imported from Cambodia.Think it was an ant.lols.I ate half of it.Yuck.After sunday's experience,insects r gross.heex.
Haiz.Wonder hows he doing.Is he ok?Hope so.I dont feel like asking him.Its difficult to talk to him.I m afraid.Hes not wad he used to be.Mayb he changed cos of her.I dont know.I find it tough to face him everyday.And her.Is everything turning out the way its suppose to turn out or is heaven making a fool of me?Haiz.Mayb.Mayb its time to let go.The love is still there.I know he still loves me.But the problem is does he love me more than her?haiz. *cheryl sim*

haiz...wad's happening??haiz.

2005-03-11T21:35:00.000-08:00

There r only 3 questions in my head now.why?why?why?Everything is in a mess.Including my feelings.Haiz.The one that i like may not choose me in the end.Even i cant promise myself that he will choose me.I have no confidence in myself at all.not even that little bit.Haiz.I use to hate the other girl alot.cos i thought she was making my life miserable by liking him too.I was too foolish to think that she was e third party.Now i finally realise something.she may not be the third party.It may jux be me.haiz.In a relationship,there will always be someone hurt in the end.He said he didnt wan to hurt anyone.I know he really didnt wan to from his tone of voice.Hes got to make a decision now,and i know it isnt gona be easy for him.I know.I can sense it.I can feel it.I jux need an ans from him,jux one.Does he like that girl more than he luvrves me?if he does then i have nothing to say.nothing at all.If that's e case then i will give up,i have to let go,even if it'll hurt me forever.cos i jux wan him to be happy,if she can make him happier than i can then i may jux have to give up in the end.haiz.why mus things always turn out this way-the way i m always afraid it'll turn out.Is heaven making a fool of me?Why?it can really hurt sometimes.esp. when the one u like doesnt like u.the feeling isnt the kind of feelin anyone can understand.If u knew in the beginning that our luv wont last forever then why did u tell me u luv me???why.U stepped into my world.Lighted it.add colours to my life.But in the end r u going to walk out and leave me hurt behind?or issit gona be a happy ending?like the stories in fairy tales?I don noe what the ending is gona be like but i m not gona cry again.I wont.I'll stay strong not for anyone's sake but his.haiz.No one sees my tears,no one hears my silent cries,no one feels the hurt.all ppl see is my smile,hear my laughter and feels e joy.No one ever bother to look through me.No one ever knows how i feel inside.No one.Words may not be able to decribe fully the meaning of hurt,but the feeling is really miserable.haiz.There r ppl that like me too.but they dont seem to catch my eye at all.Only u do.in the garden of my life,only u,only u catch my eyes.u stand out among the rest.She is a threat to me is bcos it was becos of her that u were cold towards me.u may not realise it.But i told u i know.Its very obvious sometimes.It can really hurt me sometimes.I look at my phone everyday,looking at e past messages.I then realise u used to luv me so much.what happened to the luv?did it fade away?or did u take it all away.Love is no longer in the air.Its no longer there.I noe.u promised me.not to upset me.but what's the use of making the promise when u noe u couldnt fufil it?haiz.But no matter what happens in the end,memories of u will always remain deep inside my heart.always,darlin.I luv u.

Haiz...Life sux

2005-03-06T17:31:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,finally can blog le...Lolx...I so long nvr blog le...My parents recently jux controlled how much i use the com...So now i tou tou writting this blog whilst they r out...Mux hurry through this blog...heex...Many things happened lately and has really gt my mood down...Really down...Haiz...I guess that's the way life is...lolx...Life was fine till he stepped outta my world...Haiz...nvm...Life really sux...Tmr i got common test...Still busy studying for it...Finish my revision for english left the history notes to browse through...lolx...tmr still got quiz...lolx...wad else to write abt...lolx...no idea...I blog so that u guys will know that i m blogging...haiz...Life's so boring...everyday same old routine...Its making me tired...Its was him,he who make every single day of my life interesting...Its not the same now from what i feel...Haiz...Mayb it jux isnt meant to be...okies...I'll end here...Think my parents will be back soon...Byes...!~ take care... *cheryl sim*